Here’s the scene: it’s your first serious internship. You’ve purchased the perfect flattering-yet-classy suit, the cute-yet-comfortable heels. You’re trendy, you’re professional, you’ve got a colored pen for every situation and you’re ready to tackle that first rung on the corporate ladder. But there’s trouble ahead, a situation that, despite all your schooling, you’re completely unprepared for: the office happy hour. In college, a tasteful night of drinking might include buying a $13.50 bottle of Smirnoff instead of a $7 bottle of Bartons. But shots of tequila—no matter how expensive—aren’t going to cut it at the office. I talked to Diane Gottsman, a nationally recognized etiquette expert, about the dos and don’ts of office happy hours. Here are her tips, organized into three easy steps for collegiettes™ hoping to become the most fun girl at the office, but also the first one the boss turns to when the going gets tough.
Step 1: Prepare Yourself!
The first thing to think about is whether you want to attend an office happy hour at all. If none of your fellow interns are going, showing up might prove a little uncomfortable, especially if you’re not the most outgoing of gals. But consider it anyway—social opportunities like happy hours provide you ample opportunities to network within the office. They already know you’re a competent worker—show them you’re a competent socializer, too.
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Step 2: Arriving—To Drink or Not to Drink?
However, once you get to happy hour, things get a little tricky. The number one rule, Gottsman says, is that if you’re an intern, you shouldn’t be drinking. You could be 21, 19, or 45—Gottsman thinks the “overall rule is no.” Let’s face the facts: as interns, we’re rarely paid; instead, we’re often working for college credit. That means that your office is your school away from school. “You would never drink with your professors,” says Gottsman. “So you shouldn’t drink with your boss.”
If you do decide to take a risk and drink, the most important non-negotiable is that you shouldn’t drink if you’re underage. When we’re at school, the line is a little blurred—frat guys probably won’t ask you your birthday before handing you a beer. The difference is this: if you get caught drinking underage on campus, you’ll probably get in trouble with your university’s police. If it’s your first offense, and you promise to be good, they might forgive and forget. But if TV has taught me anything, it’s that real-world cops are a little different. And not only are you putting yourself in legal danger—you’re putting your company in danger as well. A happy hour that ends with your boss in handcuffs may not be so happy anymore. Gottsman puts it very succinctly: “If you’re not of drinking age, the answer is no.”
But wait—what if you are of age to drink? What then? At this juncture, it’s probably helpful to review why offices hold happy hours anyway. Your boss isn’t providing you with free alcohol for kicks. No, there’s a definite method to this madness. Happy hour is about building relationships with your colleagues. So take advantage of that: instead of slugging back drinks, turn to that quiet guy who works in the cubicle next to you and ask him what he likes to do for fun. Maybe next time he needs an intern to contact a client, he’ll look to you first. And during happy hour, the boss always has her eye on you. “I wouldn’t call it a test,” Gottsman says. “But don’t think your boss isn’t watching you from a professional standpoint.” Often, job offers are made and broken based on your rapport with clients. If you’re a good socializer—good at making small talk over dinner, or even drinks—you’ll probably be great with clients. So while you shouldn’t spend your inter-office social time constantly looking over your shoulder, you should be aware that happy hour does show the boss another side of you—a side you probably want her to like.
So you can drink, and you understand the significance of happy hour. But that doesn’t mean you actually have to drink at all. If you want to hold something in your hand, order a virgin beverage. Gottsman recommends ordering a lime with soda and keep it with you all night long. And don’t be embarrassed about not drinking. Apologizing “loses you power and credibility,” she says.
Look delicious? Think twice before drinking when your boss is around
If do want to drink, know your limits. “If you know that you can only drink a thimbleful of wine before you get lightheaded,” Gottsman says, “then don’t get a glass of wine.” Sangria might be a better option—it’s diluted, so while there’s alcohol in there, there’s not that much. If you want something with a kick, it’s smart to nurse one throughout the night, rather than downing two or three. “I don’t mean to sound like a commercial here,” Gottsman cautions, “but drink responsibly.”
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Step 3: Get to Talkin’
So you’re of age, you know why happy hours exist, you’ve decided to drink, and you drank responsibly. What do you actually do? Gottsman advises keeping your conversation to safe subjects, like sports scores or what’s going on in your city. “No sex, divorce, religion, [or] politics,” Gottsman advises. Keep it professional, but not too stuffy—you want to give your coworkers an idea of what you’re actually like on your best, most put-together day.
The only problem with putting your best self forward is that you may prove…irresistible. What if a co-worker gets flirty? Is it OK to flirt back? “Meeting someone is fine,” Gottsman says—you’ve just got to be smart about it. It turns out the real world frowns upon hooking up against walls in parties. Who knew? So if you’re interested, politely let your would-be paramour know that you’re with a group, and that you would love to hang out outside of an office setting. But beware—office romances are tricky and could get you in trouble. It might be best to avoid flirting all together. If someone engages, and warning bells go off in your head, politely end the conversation and move to another part of the gathering.
And that other part should not be the circle of interns huddled in the corner. “Those people look insecure,” Gottsman says. “You can be cordial to them, but don’t stay away from your boss!” It may be scary, but taking three to four minutes to chat up the guy or girl in charge shows confidence and a real sense of office dynamics. Introduce yourself—“use both your first and last name, which sends a message of power”—and let them now how much you’ve enjoyed working for their company. And make sure you actually know who that boss is! Gottsman once encountered a former intern who told her that he had approached a woman at an office happy hour, extended his hand, and asked who she was. Turned out she signed all his paychecks.
Now that you’ve handled yourself with intelligence and grace, what happens if your coworkers don’t? If you’re a good friend, you might say something—“Hey, bud, you’re talking really loud!” But you’re not the booze monitor, and it’s not your job to police your co-workers. As an intern, it’s most important that you watch out for yourself. Gottsman says that you’re often associated with the company you keep, so if that guy that you kind of know from the office is gulping drink after drink, you might want to move to the other side of the room. Don’t let other people drag you down. And when going into a happy hour, make sure you have a way to get home, one that doesn’t depend on others’ sobriety. Bring your own car, or bring money for public transportation.
Step 4: The Takeaway
If there’s one thing you should take away from this, it’s this: decide how you want to be perceived before you go into happy hour. Gottsman recommends devising a calculated plan of who you want to be, and sticking to that. Looking to land a job offer? That second drink might be a bad idea. As a collegiette™ in a new workplace, you want to look confident and assertive. “This is important for young men,” says Gottsman, “but maybe especially for young women, who have worked so hard to achieve a level of responsibility in the workplace.” Why risk it all for a few drops of alcohol?
Sources
Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert. Check out her website. For more tips on living the young professional life, also check out the Pretty Young Professional blog.