So I’m out on a coffee date with this guy. We get to the cashier and what does he do? Well, he doesn’t whip out his wallet, ready to pay. No, he sneaks away to the bathroom. Call it a guy’s fake purse-grab – his not-so-subtle way of getting out of paying.
I order a small mocha and hand over $2.79, then stand and wait for my date to reappear, all the while wondering if I had given him a look that said – are you going to pay for that?
There’s nothing like an awkward moment to start a date.
Now in his defense, it was our first date. It was casual. And I had asked him.
Should he have paid? Maybe. Depends who you ask.
Back in the days of commonly practiced chivalry and courtship, this wouldn’t even be a question. Yes would be the undisputed answer. But now, we’re not so quick to agree on the terms and conditions of who should cover the bill.
Here’s what nine savvy college students and recent graduates had to say about who should pay for dates:
If you cling to tradition…
“I think the guy should pay, unless you’re just friends. Call me old-fashioned, but it’s just the gentlemanly thing to do.” – Jodi, Samford University ‘09
“The guy pays! And there shouldn’t be a conversation about it or a splitting of the bill because that just makes things awkward. He also isn’t expecting anything in return because he paid.” – Drew, senior at New Mexico State University
If you take the “modern” approach…
“As much as I love the tradition of the guy paying, I think it is only fair for the person who initiated the date to pay. Once in a relationship, switching back and forth between who pays is a good way to go. Just don’t split the check. How unromantic is counting change at the dinner table?” – Sarah, junior at San Diego State University
“I really think the guy should pay for the first three to five dates. Once you know you’re going steady with the person then I think it’s just a matter of taking turns.” – Berj, Michigan State University ‘10
If you do the purse grab…
“Whenever the bill comes, I always do the reach-for-my-wallet move. Then, when the guy says, ‘Oh no, I’ve got this,’ I insist we go halfsies. This makes him laugh and say, ‘It’s all on me.’ I think that reaching for my wallet is a clutch maneuver because it shows I’m not wholly expecting a free meal, even though, I really am. My reach move has almost always worked. Although, I did have a guy insist we go halfsies even before I reached. But that’s another story.” – Sharon, University of Maryland ‘10
“I try to see what my date does when the waitress comes with the bill. Usually, the guy immediately picks up the tab. If there’s any delay, I’ll start to reach for my purse. A lot of times in response, they’ll stop me and insist on paying.” – Uyen, University of Minnesota
“Some men view reaching for your purse as a litmus test for whether or not you respect and appreciate him and his finances. He just wants to make sure you’re not ‘sugar-daddying’ him.” –Brian, Cal State East Bay
If you’re in a relationship…
“My boyfriend and I don’t really have a set expectation. He works and therefore has a much steadier income than I do at the moment so usually he pays. But there are times when I’ll step up and grab the bill, like if I ask to get dinner or if I get something much pricier than he does … I try to step up and pay when I can afford it. But honestly, since he makes more money, he knows I can’t always foot the bill and he respects that.” – Maddy, junior at Mount Holyoke College
“When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he paid for everything. Now that we are several years in, we will usually alternate paying the bill. For instance, last night I paid at the restaurant but tonight he’s paying for tickets to a show we are seeing.” – Carlene, senior at James Madison University
Bottom line: Following one simple rule can help you avoid an awkward situation when you’re out on a first date, and that rule is – the one who asks, pays. And if all else fails, reach for your purse – it’s just the ladylike thing to do.