If you’re like us, you’ve been counting down the days till winter break would give way to the anticipated return of The Bachelor. Well, it happened and we’re sorry to report that it was totally forgettable. Granted, there’s bound to be more than enough drama on the horizon, but here’s why we were disappointed by the premiere.
1. They thought casting twins would spark our interest…
…but we still can’t remember either of their names. After 20 glorious seasons of The Bachelor and a failed attempt to cart the Iaconetti sisters off to Paradise, you would think we could do without twins. Especially ones who keep going on and on about how they’ve never dated the same guy before.
2. Amber and Becca returned
Only to stir up about five minutes of drama, though. Sure, the initial angst was palpable as the women claimed Becca had an unfair advantage and tried to figure out who this Amber person is. But then the duo disappeared until time for the rose ceremony. You paid for them, ABC. We’re expecting Nick Viall-levels of trouble, or it’s really been a total waste.
3. Ben was sweetly awkward in a way that made us feel very uncomfortable
First night jitters were legit for this Bachelor. When women donning unicorn masks and hiking up their skirts to throw a football between their legs are bombarding you in a noticeably wet driveway, it’s understandable. Hopefully he’ll ease into the role by the time first dates roll around.
4. There are literally four Laurens that we’re supposed to be able to differentiate
Seriously? Never going to happen. Maybe one of them went home already? We honestly can’t say at this point.
5. Chris Soules made an appearance to share words of Bachelor wisdom with Ben
Look, Chris. We’ll admit it was great to see you and receive confirmation that you haven’t fallen off the face of the planet. But this show wasn’t exactly successful for you, buddy. So we’re going to take a hard pass on any advice you’re shelling out.
6. Even Lace—the obligatory drunk girl—didn’t amuse us
Lace was ready to throw down by night’s end. Slurring her words and harping on Ben for his lack of eye contact during the rose ceremony—there’s a little bit of Ashley S., a little bit of Kelsey in this girl. Not only were we hard eye-rolling when she got a rose, but we got even madder when we realized she was the only girl who got drunk all night.
7. No makeouts
Props to Ben for setting this first night “no makeouts” rule and sticking to it. But from here on out, smooching will be required, okay?
8. No girl fights
Is it just too soon to expect a good girl-on-girl spat? We figured it was a lock when Becca came in all smiling and adorable. But this group of ladies may not have it in them.
9. No shirtless Ben
Come on now. If there’s one thing we rely on, it’s a shirtless Bachelor introducing himself to America. Without the potential for showering Ben GIFs, what do we have left to live for?
10. We were way more interested in keeping the miniature horse around than any of the women
When Huey walked in, it was like love at first sight. To think Ben gave Lace a rose over that itty-bitty cutie is downright heartbreaking.
11. We have no idea who our top pick is
Amongst the mass amounts of boredom, our fantasy league got lost somewhere. Well, here’s to learning names and judging total strangers next week, we suppose.