We won’t bury the lead. Kaitlyn is our newest Bachelorette! But now that the guys have made their choice, it’s time for the boss lady to take over. With six men already long gone, Kaitlyn is left with quite the crop from which to select her future husband. And though we know very little about her suitors at this point in the season, we couldn’t help but judge them by assigning some predictive superlatives.
1. Jared – Most Likely to Finish the Lovable but a Little Too Sweet Runner-up
We saw a lot of tears in that promo, Jared. We admire that Love Man is sensitive, but we’ve definitely seen nice guys finish last before.
2. Daniel – Most Likely to Be the Life of the Party
Those killer dance moves and his wardrobe alone should tell you Daniel’s in this to have a good time.
3. Joe – Most Likely to Be Cast in an Attempt to Replicate Chris Soules
His sweet Southern drawl and musings about moonshine give Joe the irresistible country charm that America fell for with our last Bachelor.
4. Tanner – Most Likely to Hover in the Middle of the Pack
Tanner is probably a great catch, but we’ll never know it because he’s destined for a season in the shadows.
5. Tony – Most Likely to Give Us Ashley S. Withdrawals
At least Ashley S.’s lunacy was entertaining. Tony is just plain annoying, and there’s no way he’s getting engaged.
6. Ben Z. – Most Likely to Warm Our Hearts
His smile is enough to make us blush, but Ben’s touching story about his mother on night one had us melting in the palm of his hand.
7. Clint – Most Likely to End Up on Bachelor in Paradise
Clint just has that look about him. He’s handsome and those sandy locks were born to roam the beaches of Paradise. We won’t know much about him by the time Kaitlyn sends him home, but we have a feeling it won’t be goodbye.
8. Ian – Most Likely to Need a Hand Getting Off His High Horse
We were loving Ian and his cute enthusiasm for Kaitlyn tonight…until we saw that promo for the rest of the season. Let’s just say he won’t always think that highly of Kaitlyn, and from the looks of it, his reasoning is not at all justified.
9. Cory – Most Likely to Be the Body Everyone’s Talking About
With our stripper friend gone, Cory comes front and center as Mr. Buff Guy. We’re thinking shirtless. Like all the time.
10. Ben H. – Most Likely to Wait Forever for a One-on-One
There’s always that one person who seems like a good option but for some reason he has to endure the eternity that is waiting for a one-on-one. And by the time it does come around it’ll be tough to beat the connections Kaitlyn has already formed with the other men.
11. JJ – Most Likely to Say Something Completely Offensive
JJ was killing it tonight. But will he end up being that controversial guy? His knowing grin says yes.
12. Kupah – Most Likely to Spread Some Wisdom
We already know that Kupah is a talker. He was prominently featured doling out his opinions throughout the premiere. So it’s only fair that he should be the voice of reason for the cuckoos—even if they don’t want to hear what he has to say.
13. Jonathan – Most Likely to Be Here for the Wrong Reasons
Jonathan was totally Team Britt but flipped a switch when Kaitlyn offered him a rose to stick around. It’s one thing if you’re just trying to see if there’s a spark, but we’re guessing you probably just want to be on TV.
14. Ryan B. – Most Likely to Remain Anonymous
He may stay on the show a while, but we guarantee we’ll never be able to remember his name. After Ryan M. made such a bad first impression, it’s clear that he’s the only Ryan anyone will recall when this is all said and done.
15. Justin – Most Likely to Remind Us of Jef
Emily Maynard’s former fiancé bears a striking resemblance to Justin. Perhaps the two are distant cousins?
16. Joshua – Most Likely to Be the Sentimental Gifts Guy
How can Joshua top welding and creating a rose? By collecting mementos throughout his journey to find love and putting those items in a Kaitlyn + Joshua 4EVER scrapbook that he’ll show to their future children.
17. Corey – Most Likely to Willingly Participate in Group Dates
Corey won’t mind group dates. He’s the guy that will leave the show with a ton of new friends and not even care that he didn’t end up with Kaitlyn.
18. Chris – Most Likely to Be a Shoulder to Cry On
Kaitlyn is going to need a guy who supports her during the season’s inevitable turmoil and stress. Chris has already proved himself to be lighthearted with his genius cupcake-y modes of transportation. We think we can count on him to cheer Kaitlyn up no matter how hard things get.
19. Shawn B. – Most Likely to Leave the Show Engaged
Shawn B. seems like the perfect guy—not just for Kaitlyn but for every woman. And if things don’t work out with the Bachelorette, although we kind of already think they will, women everywhere will be lining up for their shot with this hunk. Possibly as the next Bachelor?
What superlatives would you give Kaitlyn’s men, collegiettes?