The Good, The Bad, & The Cringe Of This ‘Bachelorette’ Season’s Limo Entrances

I have a confession to make: I’ve never watched a single episode of The Bachelorette. Maybe that’s shameful to say as a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, but my distaste for reality TV proves that sometimes my head can be stronger than my heart. Season 20 premiered June 26 on ABC; that means this show has been airing for as long as I’ve been alive. I needed to know what the hype was about — and after watching 25 men peacock their way to a red rose, I think I get it now.

This season’s Bachelorette is Charity Lawson, a fan-favorite contestant who appeared on Season 27 of The Bachelor. Just from her intro, I can tell that Charity is an absolute sweetheart who’s truly looking for her perfect match. She deserves rainbows and bouquets and breakfast in bed and everything good in the world. I’m going into the premiere as an unbiased viewer with Charity’s best interests in mind. Consider me a fair and impartial judge of cheesy pick-up lines and grand gestures as I walk you through each of the Bachelorette contestants’ first impressions, listed in the order in which they stepped out of their limos.

Aaron B.

We’re starting off strong with Aaron B. He tells Charity that if his lucky coin lands on heads, they’ll get engaged, and if it lands on tails, he’ll go home. Of course the coin lands on heads (it’s definitely a trick coin; Aaron B. is taking control of his own destiny!). 

The coin bit was original, but the way he introduced himself was not. However, I’ve yet to meet an Aaron who doesn’t recycle Key & Peele’s A-a-ron joke, so I’ll let it slide.

Josh

Josh puts Charity’s hand on his heart so that he can deliver a literal heartfelt speech about his feelings. He seems really sweet, but I also feel like he would cry the first time we disagree on something.

Joey

For his first impression, Joey leans into Hawaiian tradition and places a plumeria flower above Charity’s right ear to signify that she’s available, but hopes that “by the end of this journey, I’ll be the reason why you want to wear it on your left” (which would mean that she’s taken). I’m obsessed.

Maybe it’s just his name, but does anybody else think that he looks like a mix of Joe Jonas and Frankie Jonas? He seems super laidback and tender-hearted, which means he’s got the emotional vulnerability Charity is looking for. He seems really attached to his Hawaiian lifestyle, though, which may be a dealbreaker down the line if Charity would rather line dance than luau.

Warwick

Warwick’s parents met on a flight, so he booked Charity a one-way ticket… to Oxford, Ohio (I’m assuming that’s where he’s from, because why else would he pick Ohio?). This is such a cute callback to his parents’ love story! It’s also risky to buy a ticket because he could be sent home on the first night. Romantic and daring? He’s got serious potential. I wish we saw more of him.

Xavier

Xavier is a self-described science nerd who also knits and plays the ukelele; he seems very well-rounded. His pickup line naturally leans into his career in medicine; Xavier says, “I’ve dedicated my life to understanding different biological sciences, but there is one cure that I have not been able to find — and that is the cure to a lonely heart.” That line is safe but forgettable, IMO.

Caleb A.

This doctor’s rizz is off the charts. He pulls a stethoscope out of his jacket and tells Charity to listen to his heart, which “is beating just for you.” Take notes, Xavier.

Khalid

Khalid somewhat pulls off name etymology rizz, but I find him extremely boring. Sorry!

Nic

We only get to hear Nic’s pickup line, which is “I’ve always been a fighter, and I believe in fighting for you.” It would probably be cuter with more context.

John Henry

John Henry is a commercial diver, so he steps out of the limo with his diving helmet on. He seems like a good time!

Aaron S.

Aaron S. tries to channel Tangled with his whole “let’s wish on a candle together” bit, but let’s be real: No guy could ever measure up to Flynn Rider.

Tanner

Tanner gives Charity a towel embroidered with the letter T. He connected the gift to a tradition in his hometown, but I still think it’s self-centered. At least Troy had known Gabriella for a whole semester before giving her a T necklace!

Chris

Chris stands out for two reasons: One, he’s the only contestant wearing a maroon suit, and two, he does a literal backflip in Charity’s honor. Thank God he landed that backflip or else my secondhand embarrassment would have been painful. Chris says he’s competitive; I think that’s code for “I’ll be starting drama this season.”

Brayden

Brayden brings two tequila shots for him and Charity to share (bold!) and then takes his like a wimp (lame!). He’s a hipster who compares himself to Aladdin, which immediately makes me think of those Tumblr edits circa 2014 of tattooed Disney characters with man buns. He’s kinda awkward, but Charity found his authenticity really charming. I’m just happy she’s happy.

Spencer

Spencer’s into martial arts! So for his first impression, he essentially asks Charity to kick him in the groin. She’s a good sport about it, but the whole interaction radiated social awkwardness. I’m not sure I need to elaborate on this one. Just… no.

Caleb B.

We don’t see much of Caleb B.’s first interaction with Charity. Instead, we get a video clip that highlights his career as a professional wrestler. I’m giving him a no simply because no man from Orlando, Florida should be wearing a cowboy hat.

Joe

We don’t know much about him except that he’s really tall.

Kaleb K.

He’s also really tall.

Adrian

He’s tall too.

James

We only hear James say, “I’m James. I’m an attorney in Chicago,” yet I’m against him because his vocal inflection gets on my nerves.

Peter

Peter is an airline pilot, so he makes a joke about Charity being his co-pilot that’s equal parts cheesy and cute.

Michael

Michael gifts Charity a bracelet with a boat pendant on it. I’m glad to see him putting his yacht captain salary to good use!

Taylor

I actually jumped when Taylor pulled out a selfie stick; I immediately thought he was a clout-chasing influencer who unknowingly begins each video with a millennial pause. However, he was actually recording a video in which he tells his and Charity’s future kids, “I’m meeting your mom for the first time!” My heart can’t take how adorable that idea is.

Sean

Sean brings in a huge fake check to donate his heart to Charity. Finally, someone makes use of her name! The opportunity was right in front of him, and Sean cashed it in.

John

John hands Charity a fortune cookie because it’s “a little Chinese and a little American,” just like him. The fortune itself says, “You will meet the man of your dreams tonight. His name is John.” This is a perfect first impression! It’s cute, simple, and personalized. This might be my favorite introduction of the night.

Dotun

Dotun goes for a candidly romantic speech instead of a pickup line for his first impression. He claims he’s the cool kid in his family, but I’m only getting sweet nerd vibes. He’s the only contestant to acknowledge that he’s supposed to fall in love with Charity in a very short amount of time, so kudos to him for being self-aware!

I can’t say I’ve reversed my opinion on reality TV just yet, but The Bachelorette premiere was surprisingly fun to watch and even more fun to judge. Watch new episodes of The Bachelorette on ABC on Mondays at 9 p.m. ET. I just might watch along with you (but no promises).

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