Okay folks, let’s try this again.
After spending a solid ten hours together, Clare and Dale have finally set off into the sunset, bound for the final destination of many a love story: Sacramento, CA. But their departure has left a bit of a void in the Bachelorette universe. Who will the leftover 16 men simultaneously fall in love with? You could see the wheels turning in their handsome, handsome heads after Chris Harrison popped in last week to announce that, contrary to (wildly misguided) popular belief in the La Quinta Contestant Holding Pen, Dale had not, in fact, been removed for being “too distracting” to “the process,” but had absconded with their collective girlfriend.
“Have I been on here long enough to quit my job and sell teeth whitening strips?” their furrowed brows telegraphed to all of us watching at home. “Can I squeeze in one more cannonball before I have to go home to New Jersey?”
But wait! Luckily for the assembled gentlemen, it ain’t over ‘til Chris Harrison says it is. Their assignment, should they choose to accept it, was to undo four months of single-minded obsession over one woman and refocus that attention on a new, totally different woman. Oh, and they had 24 hours to decide.
Go!
Of course, these men, many of whom have just waxed poetic about their feelings for Clare and their deep sadness at her having left, said no, they came here for Clare and they can’t flip their emotions on a dime. Wait, sorry, no, that’s not right. Every single one of them bravely agreed to court the mystery woman.
And with the exception of Jason, who departed soon after, citing unresolved feelings for Clare, the sight of Tayshia Adams in a glittering ball gown seems enough to wipe the original bachelorette entirely from their minds. During the season’s second opening cocktail party, the men jostled each other for her attention, snagging whatever time they were granted to employ some age-old job interview tactics, explaining why they’re looking for change and referencing shortcomings with their heart’s former employer while trying not to bad-mouth her too much. I almost expected Blake Moynes to pull out a cover letter.
From the beginning, it’s been clear that Tayshia’s arrival reset the process in more than one way. Because with a new bachelorette comes a new set of values, and what made one man a front runner last week might now send him to the back of the line.
Tayshia’s taste in men is entirely different from that of her predecessor, which I realized as I was repeatedly sent scrambling for the cast roster to figure out the names of those sporting pre-ceremony roses. While Clare (when she wasn’t paying overnight shipping for prints of Dale’s Party City modeling photos) favored emotionally unavailable men with chiseled jaws who had “trouble opening up,” Tayshia has her eyes on a livelier set.
So far, Tayshia’s gaze seems to be lingering on what I’d call the “scrawnier” side of the group, if that word was applicable to a cohort of men who exclusively have six-packs. Brendan—who apparently has been on this season from the beginning, did any of you know this?—in a turtleneck and under a mop of floppy hair, earned her attention enough night one to score himself a one-on-one date (read: horseback riding in the 100+ degree heat around the La Quinta pool). Soft-spoken, Bambi-eyed Spencer, fresh out of the limo of new men they’d been hiding in the resort storage closet, swooped on the first impression rose. And Zac C.—who looks 24 but is actually 36—managed to snag the group date rose.
It’s our first episode in ages without tears, and Tayshia promises us this is by design, telling one contestant that the process is serious, but should also be fun. Amen. After all, if you can’t embrace the goofiness of dating 20 people on a television show, what’s the point?
Time will tell what fate has in store for the gruffer, Clare-approved men of this season, but for now, the boys are back in town. And it’s time to have some fun.