Ever wonder why some sex scenes feel more real and others feel kind of…gross? Well, it’s all about perspective. Specifically, the gaze through which we view those scenes (or perhaps more accurately, the gaze through which those scenes are shot). While the male gaze has dominated much of popular media, it’s the female gaze on Gen Z’s minds, and it changes the impact that sexual depictions have on viewers.
Shonda Rhimes brought thirsty back when Bridgerton dropped on Netflix, with the Duke of Hastings as a particular fan favorite (and actor Regé-Jean Page is certainly easy on the eyes) — though thirsting over Bridgerton goes beyond just looking at the attractive actors in regency garb who take their shirts off excessively. As actress Phoebe Dynevor – who plays Daphne Bridgerton – told the L.A. Times, what makes Bridgerton unique is its focus on the female gaze when depicting sexuality.
Conversations about the female gaze have become relevant in recent years thanks to creators like Phoebe Waller-Bridge and recent films like Portrait of a Lady on Fire. In short, the female gaze refers to the perspective of a female filmmaker, and though it sounds easy enough it’s not as common as you’d think. The male gaze has always dominated media and pop culture, so it’s incredibly refreshing to get other points of view. The female gaze lines up with how growing numbers of Gen Z view sex, opposing the male gaze with the way it emphasizes aspects like pleasure, intimacy, and consent over visual stimuli and hypersexualization. These messages strike a chord with this increasingly progressive generation that craves connection more than ever.
The Male Gaze & Its Consequences
In order to understand the female gaze, it’s important to first understand the male gaze and the impact of overly skimpy superhero costumes, for example, and movie posters featuring every part of a woman but her face.
Essentially, it’s the way Western media depicts women strictly as objects of pleasure for men, and visual mediums have particularly insidious ways of doing so. For example, shots that pan up a woman’s body or that go up her skirt objectify the actress and put her on display, along with potentially violating the female character. A really infamous instance of this takes place in the movie Basic Instinct with Sharon Stone, who’s since been very outspoken about how dangerous Hollywood is for women.
In her essay “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema,” film theorist Laura Mulvey argues that the male gaze is made up of three looks: the look of the camera, the look of the audience and the look of the characters.
The look of the camera and the look of the audience exist to reflect the look of the characters. For example, take the car scene in Transformers. None of Mikaela’s (Megan Fox) dialogue registers because Sam (Shia LaBeouf) is checking her out, which is demonstrated by the camera constantly focusing on different parts of her body. And how can you expect the audience to retain any information about Mikaela’s character when the scene is clearly set up to focus solely on her body?
There are also certain traditionally feminine attributes that the male gaze prefers, like an hourglass figure with no detectable body hair or body fat. Dozens of on-set makeup artists and estheticians help achieve these not-so-realistic results, and these standards hurt everyone. Miami-based sex and marriage therapist Dr. Lisa Paz explains how these TV depictions can harm someone’s own body image, and thus their sex life. “There is such an inherent pressure on women to look a certain way. Women feel like they can’t go into a sexual interaction if they’re not feeling happy in their bodies,” she tells Her Campus. In fact, most women at one point or another fall victim to the internalized male gaze, or as writer Margaret Atwood put it, being your own voyeur.
“Sex scenes depicted under the male gaze have always made me crave ‘perfection’ out of my body,” Alex, 19, tells Her Campus. “I feel like I need to be viewed as something desirable in order to be attractive.”
The male gaze makes everything unnecessarily sexual, from reading a book to just being in a jail cell. Leave it to Gen-Z to hilariously parody this on TikTok. And I haven’t even mentioned the gratuitous nudity, or nudity just for the sake of sex appeal that does nothing to further enhance the plot: we could have gone without Rose getting totally naked in Titanic.
Sex Under The Male Gaze
The way sex and love are portrayed under the male gaze also follow some typical patterns. For starters, sex scenes focus on flesh and visual spectacle. As actress Keira Knightley put it, everyone is all “all greased up and grunting.” Rather than emphasizing connection or pleasure, these kinds of scenes emphasize the actual display. “Everyone looks fabulous and is shaved and smells clean,” says Dr. Paz. “[In real life], sex is messy and dirty and a little bit clumsy.”
These hypersexual depictions of sex don’t help anybody. Studies show that straight women are the demographic having the least satisfying sex, but this is pretty unsurprising when mainstream sex scenes subliminally tell straight men to put female pleasure on the back burner. “I remember growing up frequently seeing movies where sex was pretty much always dictated by and dominated by men,” says Nick, 19. “It was about how good he felt and when he finished.”
Another extremely concerning factor about sex scenes catering to the male gaze is the almost nonexistent communication. The characters just go for it. This is concerning for multiple reasons. “Research shows spontaneous mutual desire is hard to achieve,” explains Dr. Paz. In other words, most people can’t just flip a switch and become sexually aroused. It oftens happens gradually, and ideally with a lot of communication.
Female characters are also robbed of any agency or nuance. Fellow Miami sex therapist Dr. Carolina Pataky says the male gaze promotes the sexual objectification of women. “[The male gaze] depicts men as sexual beings only seeking sex, and women as the objects of that desire,” she tells Her Campus.
Not only is it incredibly problematic to depict women as merely vehicles for men’s sexual desire, it’s also harmful to reduce men to sex-crazed perverts. These negative effects actually mirror pornography’s negative consequences on young people, including self-objectification and higher levels of sexism. For the longest time, movies and TV made sex seem like something done to women rather than with women. I’m sure I speak for many when I say all this blatant misogyny and aggression has impacted the way I view sexuality, and more positive depictions of sex have been long overdue.
What Is The Female Gaze?
Let’s first get some common misconceptions out of the way. While there are tons of wonderful examples like The Beguiled or Girlhood, a movie doesn’t cater to the female gaze simply because it was directed by a woman. More importantly, the female gaze is not just turning the tables and objectifying men for a change. Apologies to Channing Tatum, but Magic Mike doesn’t actually count.
In fact, the female gaze promotes not objectifying anyone at all. Rather, it emphasizes realism and representing women authentically. When it comes to love interests, the female gaze gives agency back to the person being gazed upon, and it gives those characters a chance to actually react to being looked at. Jo’s heartbreaking monologue in Little Women perfectly captures the frustrations so many women have about feeling like you don’t have a say in how you’re perceived, and this fascinating scene from Portrait of a Lady on Fire poses the question of where the “looked at” look themselves. In other words, the female gaze is about looking respectfully, or still being able to recognize the personhood in your subject of desire.
“I think the male gaze puts more emphasis on the beauty or perfection of women,” Holden, 20, tells Her Campus, “whereas [sex is] more raw and real under the female gaze.”
The female gaze also highlights parts of the male body that aren’t traditionally sexualized, like hands or lips (the hand-flexing scene from Pride and Prejudice is beloved by many). Unlike washboard abs or huge biceps, these are the body parts that can actually bring women pleasure. Similarly, female gaze sex scenes focus on (female) pleasure along with aspects like intimacy and connection, like the very much talked-about staircase scene from Bridgerton.
Representation matters, and Dr. Paz concurs that it can change our perceptions of sex for the better. “Sex and the City started a massive trend by talking about masturbation and vibrators,” she explains. “Men becoming more comfortable with the fact that women may need a vibrator [during sex] was a big shift.”
Gen Z Approves
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the most tech-driven generation in years consumes a lot of media, and that this same particularly progressive generation cares about consent and proper representation. One of my favorite recent TikTok trends has female users discussing which men were “written by women,” or which men fall under the female gaze criteria. Pretty much every compilation I’ve seen includes the gentlemanly Tom Hiddleston or the man-siren Hozier, but it’s also very cute – and maybe even gives me a little bit of hope – when girls just use the trend to show off their boyfriends.
Many of the men featured in the trend are heartthrobs for Gen Z women in particular, though old-school kings like Keanu Reeves make appearances too. In any case, the trend just proves that the female gaze absolutely affects Gen Z women’s preferences, what we look for in men and what treatment we expect in relationships. Gen Z women are also particularly attuned to feminism and the Me Too Movement, so of course we’d celebrate fictional couples who practice consent and mutual respect. And what better way to learn about agency and boundaries than growing up curating your own image on social media?
Hookup culture is also on a decline, and older generations are even branding Gen Z as sex-negative “puriteens.” Despite that belief, Gen Z isn’t a generation of celibates, but rather, of romantics. The digital world can be pretty lonely, and the pandemic isolated all of us more than ever, so Gen Z has come to prioritize intimacy and connection rather than just a sexual experience. The female gaze certainly reflects these priorities, and it appeals to guys just as much.
And when it comes to actually having sex, the female gaze helps Gen Z have much better experiences. Media aimed at Gen Z is remarkably sex positive, and it discusses mature topics that go beyond just telling kids to keep it in their pants. This also opens the door to more conversations about female pleasure in particular. One of my all-time favorite shows, Netflix’s Sex Education, covers several topics beautifully, but female sexuality and autonomy remain at the forefront of the show. Gen Z girls and guys alike are picking up the message that it’s just as important for girls to enjoy sex too, and that’s due in no small part to media becoming more inclusive in terms of depicting everyone’s sexual needs. Dr. Paz even calls it “better sex ed for men,” and Nick agrees. “The female gaze has mainly affected me as this kind of standard I should hold for myself,” he explains.
No More Toxic Gazes
For years, men have held the bulk of executive creative positions, so the male gaze was bound to dominate popular media. It’s undeniably refreshing to see sex depicted from the female perspective for a change, but the female gaze is just one lens in which to create and consume media. There are still so many toxic lenses out there, like the straight gaze or the white gaze, which negatively impact portrayals of sex and can lead to fetishizing LGBTQ+ folks and people of color. Alison, 20 effectively summarizes how even the male gaze can promote heteronormativity: “I cared about what men thought of me until I realized I was gay,” she tells Her Campus. “If I’m not dating men, I don’t owe them anything.”
It’s so important to amplify diverse creative voices and accept all kinds of perspectives. Since Gen Z will soon be taking the reins, and we’re the most diverse generation yet when it comes to race and sexuality, I have all the confidence in the world that Gen Z will continue the trend of offering increasingly complex and holistic perceptions of human sexuality. After all, the female gaze has already been so well received, and we don’t shy away from questioning different aspects of identity.
Expert Sources:
Dr. Lisa Paz, LMFT, PH.D., PA
Dr. Carolina Pataky, LMFT & Board Certified Sex Therapist