We’re almost halfway through March, which means the countdown to summer has officially begun. Stores are displaying bikinis and sundresses, ads for tanning lotion interrupt every single song I try to listen to, and my motivation to do my schoolwork is decreasing exponentially. As you do your summer shopping, you might be interested in adding this 7-foot-tall vinyl unicorn sprinkler to your list.
Don’t think you need this sprinkler? Um, think again. Here are the top 5 scenarios in which you’ll need it this summer.
1. Studying for exams
Some of us (myself included) will be stranded on campus taking classes this summer. In the winter, it’s hard to find things to do when taking a break from studying. (I usually end up eating my bodyweight in pasta just to give myself something to do, hbu?) However, I envision this summer being a lot more glorious.
Imagine this: I’m sitting in the quad of my university, decked out in an adorable bathing suit, casually flipping through some flash cards as a seven-foot-tall unicorn sprays water onto my hair to cool me down. Now picture you doing the same!
2. An excuse not to go to the gym
My freshman year of college, I made sure to pack some bathing suits from back in my swim team days so that I could work out by swimming laps in the gym. Those bathing suits are buried in the bottom of my dresser to this day.
I’m not going to do a swimming workout anytime soon. But maybe if I wear one of those bathing suits while a seven-foot-tall unicorn sprays water on me, I’ll feel a little less guilty about it. That’s basically a workout, right?
3. When the fam comes to visit
Your family just loves to hear about all the clean and wholesome fun you’re having in college, right? Well, what’s more clean and wholesome than a unicorn sprinkler? That’s right. Nothing.
So next time your mom comes to visit and she asks how you’ve been spending your Friday nights, head on outside where you’ll have your unicorn waiting for you. “College students don’t drink anymore, Mom,” you can tell her. “We play with unicorn sprinklers now.”
4. When you’re thirsty
Adulting is hard. Sometimes your sink stops working. Have you thought about what you would do in that situation? Well, maybe you should.
I, personally, aim to be prepared in all situations. And in the situation that my sink stops working, I’m going to continue to hydrate by drinking out of the horn of a seven-foot-tall unicorn. Take one out of my book, and be prepared in all situations.
5. Tailgate szn
Right after summer comes football season, and, let me guess: You’ve always wanted to throw an epic tailgate but couldn’t compete with the frat houses. How could you get people to come to your tailgate when there are hundreds of sweaty boys shotgunning Natty Lite and blasting “Closer” by the Chainsmokers just down the street?
I have a solution for you. Hint: it’s seven feet tall and isn’t your school’s star basketball player. (Although that would probably work too.) Imagine you’re walking down the street, trying to decide which tailgate to attend. Would you choose Natty Lite or a seven-foot-tall unicorn? Hopefully the answer’s pretty obvious to the both of us.
This summer has the potential to be the best one yet, but if you don’t have a seven-foot-tall unicorn, then…tough luck, man.