As a longtime fan of Grey’s Anatomy, I’ve come to expect some pretty crazy cases cropping up out of the woodwork each season. As a younger viewer, I’d often be left with my jaw gaping, wondering how anything like that could ever happen, but now I’m always intrigued, shifting closer to the screen as I try to guess what’s going on before it’s revealed. Little shocks me anymore, but on last week’s “Come on Down to My Boat, Baby,” a woman hid a gun—yes, an entire, L-shaped hunk of metal—in her a vagina. I’ll wait a moment for those of you that don’t watch anymore to process that. It took me a moment, too.
When she was brought into the ER in crippling abdominal pain, I thought, Oh, maybe she’s got an ectopic pregnancy, or maybe uterine cysts or an intestinal tear. Maybe something that seems, I don’t know, possible? I mean, can you imagine fitting a whole gun up there? Because ouch.
When the gun went off, shooting a bullet from the inside out of her and into another patient, I definitely shrieked—a full-on ohmygod. I can’t recall the last case that left me with that sort of reaction, but I can say with certainty that this is probably not the craziest thing that’s ever happened. It’s a truly tough call to put together a definitive list, but, in honor of this upcoming week’s 300th episode (how???), here are some of the more memorable, but definitely insane, cases we’ve seen over the years.
When this guy had a tree growing in his lung
Like, a literal tree, rooted in lung tissue and growing strong. Just look at his face: “I’m sorry, I have what in my lung???”
When a spider crawled out of this guy’s warts
Because he had an extreme form of HPV that had gone untreated for who knows how long, and when Bailey removed a section of the tree bark-like warts in surgery, out came a spider and scared the shit out of us all.
When a man had to donate his poop to his wife
Because she was a hypochondriac and destroyed all of her healthy gut bacteria, and someone needed to reintroduce it. But he wouldn’t give her his poop until she admitted that she was wrong.
When a couple of guys built a homemade bazooka and one accidentally shot a bomb into his torso
And Meredith’s dumb, heartbroken ass stuck her hand inside to hold it steady after Christina Ricci’s dumb ass took off running, and then Dylan the bomb squad guy blew TF up, breaking hearts everywhere.
When this guy was internally decapitated
He arrived DOA, then came back to life as he was being unloaded from the ambulance. If that wasn’t crazy enough, then he woke up during surgery, and Cristina had to keep him from moving.
When Demi Lovato tried to claw her eyes out
A tiny hole in her inner ear had her hearing every little rattle, hiss and pump in her body, and it almost drove her as crazy as her parents thought she was.
When a man chainsawed his own foot off in the ER
Because his pains were phantom and the surgical team refused to amputate a perfectly good foot, so he brought his lil chainsaw to the ER and sliced it right off himself. At least he made his transport for surgery easy?
When a woman’s blood poisoned the surgical team
Because her herbal supplements reacted with her chemotherapy, and so the team had to go in on shifts of 20 seconds after their oxygen ran out to finish the surgery. 20. Seconds. For surgery. By the time you say, “Bohkee, 10-blade,” your time is up.
When Bailey gave all her patients MRSA
After a supply switch-up at the hospital in which the rubber gloves were replaced, Bailey’s post-op patients started dying of staph infections. It turns out that she was a carrier and she’d been spreading the disease through microscopic tears in the new gloves.
When a fish swam up a man’s penis
Because he peed in the Amazon, which attracted the fish, leading to swollen testicles and a whole lot of WTF.
When a woman found out she had two babies in two uteruses
A woman came in with pregnancy problems because one baby was significantly smaller than the other, only to discover that one baby had been conceived significantly later than the other due to a second uterus. Worse news? It wasn’t her fiancé’s. #awkward
When Susan Grey died of the hiccups
Because… the hiccups?
Man, I’m reeling just thinking about these cases. That’s all I’ve got for now, but I’m sure six months down the road we’ll have another bunch to add! And if your fave didn’t make the list, tell me about it.