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Culture

How Going To College Helped Me Embrace My Femininity

Christina Guy

I have always struggled with my femininity. I always felt that it was something I wasn’t allowed to have. I had spent years distancing myself from it because it was something that wasn’t meant for me. 

My hometown was never a town made to embrace your femininity unless you had the money to do it well. Many of the girls who did embrace their femininity were girls that drove expensive cars, wore high end clothes, and went on trips to Europe in the middle of the school year. They always had the best dresses at dances and had flawless makeup with lofty price tags.  I couldn’t afford to embrace my femininity when it started to matter, so I found myself with the “other” crowd — the kids who liked sports or who liked musicals but were in tech crew. I found myself leaning more and more into my masculinity and pushing my femininity down. The circles I ran in didn’t care about what I wore or drove — they only cared about me. This put the idea in my head that femininity was completely superficial. 

Going to college in New York City had been a dream for me since early high school. I wanted the hustle and bustle of the city, the sirens wailing in the distance, and the bright lights that would keep me awake at night. When I finally got to the city, I realized I was given another opportunity by going to school here — a way to embrace my femininity in a space where I didn’t feel judged. I was surrounded by an entirely new set of peers, neighbors, places to go, and things to do. No one knew who I was here, and I could start fresh. Nobody would know this was never who I was before coming here. 

Soon after getting to college, I started to question my perception of femininity. Within the first week of school, I had made several friends who subconsciously battled my ideas of femininity. They showed me that femininity didn’t have to be something superficial — it could mean knowledge and confidence. I realized I could have a conversation with someone who had fully embraced their femininity in the most common ways and someone who embraced it in unconventional ways and still have interesting conversations. I didn’t have to worry about how much money I had or what clothes I was wearing — it was about my personality. 

It was a random weeknight at the beginning of my freshman year when it clicked for me. My friends and I were at Battery Park when I was introduced to my now-roommate, Natalie. She was what I had always pictured when it came to embracing femininity. She had the makeup, the hair, the clothes, and a look on her face that seemed threatening. I didn’t avoid her that night, but I found myself leaning more on those around me that were more masculine. As the night continued, I found myself drawn into conversation with Natalie. I felt so comfortable in her presence that I forgot how intimidating her femininity was just hours before. 

I finally found a place to explore how I could represent myself — every single part of myself. 

After that night, I fell out with that friend group, and by the time I was reintroduced, I was a different person. I had grown a lot in the year we hadn’t been in contact; becoming more comfortable with college and beginning to realize and address my struggle with femininity. I was worried that they wouldn’t like me because I had changed. This fear was unfounded, and I was accepted right back in as if I had always been there. I embraced my femininity with this group openly and was supported in my journey. My then-roommate, Madds, helped me immensely with that. They expressed their femininity in some of the most unconventional ways I had seen and always encouraged me to do the same. I finally found a place to explore how I could represent myself — every single part of myself. 

It didn’t happen overnight for me. I had to put myself through the motions of breaking out of that masculine comfort I had shoved myself into, but knowing I didn’t have to get rid of my masculinity completely helped me find the balance I resonated with. I slowly indulged my femininity until I felt comfortable and confident. 

My femininity has manifested in a rather conventional way. I love pink, and I can tell you my favorite flower at the drop of a hat. I talk about boys like they rule my life, and I wake up early every day to do my makeup. I spent so many years of my life suppressing my femininity that when I finally embraced it, it was a hyper-feminine side of myself, and I have never felt more comfortable. 

My femininity makes me more confident, empathetic, and loving

I feel like I’ve grown into a better person because of my femininity. My femininity makes me more confident, empathetic, and loving. My outward expression has changed drastically, yes, but embracing my femininity has also brought the inward expression to my attention. I don’t feel any sense of shame when I find something pink and rush to purchase it. I feel grounded in my femininity because it has provided me with my own authenticity, with who I really am, and how I can present myself to new people. I proved my younger self wrong because femininity is not superficial. You don’t have to wear makeup, love pink, and talk about boys constantly to feel feminine. Knowing that you are being authentic to yourself and your character is what femininity is all about. 

Christina Guy is Co-Campus Correspondent for Her Campus at Pace! She oversees the running of the chapter, all of its inner workings, hosts meetings, and more. She also consistently writes articles for Her Campus at Pace and has for 3 years now. Outside of Her Campus, Christina works in childcare as a summer camp counselor and a seasonal lead teacher. She is a History major and has a minor in Sociology/Anthropology. She is a First Year Experience peer leader and an education TA. Christina has submitted personal pieces to several small literary magazines since high school and continues to do so. Christina hopes to become a museum curator one day or work within museum education. On her own, Christina loves to write fiction, listen to music, and read. She is also a huge Star Wars fan and often writes articles pertaining to the subject. Christina is also a co-host of her own on-campus radio show called Sunday Scaries. Christina is also an expert in all things history and 5 Seconds of Summer. Two very different subject areas, but she is proficient in each nonetheless! She is also very passionate about 70s aesthetic and fashion and hopes to be able to completely embody the full 70s look one day.