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Culture > News

I’m Getting This Ranch Keg For My House & You Can’t Stop Me

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Katherine Speller

Nothing else matters anymore because you can buy a giant-ass thing of ranch dressing in keg form. Everyone else go home. We’re calling it. 

Hidden Valley Ranch developed a five-liter Mini Ranch Keg — which you can pre-order for $50 — presumably to break the Internet while simultaneously mending our poor, shattered hearts. While the price tag seems  pretty steep for five liters of ranch, the pure joy of having that much ranch (and the promised “year supply of Hidden Valley Ranch” included) in one adorable, if-nauseating package may be worth it. Especially come holiday party season. 

If the keg wasn’t enough to stop your heart and clog your arteries with visions of casual afternoon ranch keg-stands, hold on to your butts and raise your pinkies— because there’s also a luxurious Hidden Valley Ranch Fountain available for the classier among us. 

While I ain’t made of money (it’s $110 for the fountain and festive holiday skirt combo) and probably would be too concerned about my cats taking a swim in the ranch fountain to thoroughly enjoy it, I do admire the ambition and energy shown by Hidden Valley. Who says capitalism is all evil? 

But, realistically, aside from having the joy of making this ranch keg the centerpiece of my apartment (and, to be completely transparent, my whole world), I would very much like to crack open one of these bad boys and fill a bathtub with it and just hang out. 

However, according to their website, the demand for the ranch keg has been so explosively high (duh) that “any orders for this item placed after November 8, 5pm PST will not ship until after December 20, 2017.”

So, ranch keg, I am coming for you. OMW. 

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar
Katherine (or Katie) is the News Editor and resident witch at Her Campus. She first fell in love with journalism while attending SUNY New Paltz ('14). Since then, she has worked on the staffs at MTV News and Bustle writing about politics, intersectional social issues and more before serving as staff researcher at Lady Parts Justice League. Her work has been published in Women's Health, the Daily Dot, Public Radio International (PRI) and WNYC and she's been a regular panelist on a few podcasts (mostly screaming about repro rights.)  She is a Libra with a Taurus moon and a Scorpio ascendant, which either means nothing or everything. She loves strong diner coffee, reading tarot for strangers at the bar and watching the same three horror movie documentaries. She lives in the Hudson Valley with too many animals.