Nick Caros

Hometown: Oldsmar, FL

Relationship Status: I regularly watch movies by myself.

On-Campus Activities: Co-captain of Men’s Club Volleyball. Supervisor for Club and Intramural Sports. I occasionally pretend to play bass guitar.

Off-campus activities: Raiding the cheese aisle at Westside. I may have also run in Riverside Park once.

Favorite class you’ve taken at Columbia and why: Contemporary Moral Problems, a philosophy class that explores issues like abortion, animal rights, and the death penalty. It taught me a fundamental lesson about philosophy: you have no chance of actually getting anything conclusively right, but that is no reason not to keep trying anyway.

Pet-Peeves:  Slow walkers. Everything about the locker room at the gym. Mayonnaise. Postmodernism. Cargo shorts. Every line of dialogue from Avatar (“You gave me good, usable intel on this Tree of Souls place. Yeah, I got them by the balls with that when this turns into a shit fight”).

Dream Job: Jedi Master

If you were stuck on a deserted island, you would need: An endless supply of Sour Patch Watermelon, a massive subwoofer, and pillows. Lots of pillows.

Every guys needs these three things in his closet: Brooks running shoes, a trench coat, and a hidden stash of candy for emergencies.

Your perfect date in 7 words or less: Playing Guitar Hero for nine hours straight.

Favorite off-campus location: Upright Citizens Brigade, a comedy club in the East Village. Free improve and stand-up shows on Sunday and Monday nights.

Favorite thing about NYC: Spontaneous conversations with random people. A friend and I were playing frisbee in Central Park this summer and somehow ended up talking to this old German couple about how baseball players shouldn’t count as athletes.  “Haf you seen piktures of Babe Ruth? Zee man vas obese!”

Spirit Animal: Frank, the rabbit from Donnie Darko

Dream wife: She has great hair, is willing to keep the thermostat in our house set at 68 degrees, and everyone I know likes her more than they like me.

One thing you want to do before graduating: Spend a day exploring every open room on every floor of every Columbia building. I am obsessed with this campus.  

1. You’re a Woman, I’m a Machine– Death From Above 1979 
2. Space Jam: Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture– Various Artists
3. A tie between Crunk Juice by Lil’ Jon and the Eastside Boys and Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring

If you could have a super power what would it be and why: The power to convince any guy with a chin-strap to shave his chin-strap. Other people might pick flight or super intelligence, but I would want a power that would really enable me to make the world a better place.

If you could invite anyone to dinner, you would ask: Every author that has ever put a Latin quote in their writing without immediately including a translation. I would stick my fingers in their food, put salt, pepper, and ketchup in their water when they went to the bathroom, etc.

HamDel decides to name a sandwich after you (what’s it called and what’s in it): It would be a secret item: The Purifier. When you order it, the staff takes all the mayonnaise in stock and throws it away. Having Purified the shop, you could then order any sandwich without fear of them “accidentally” putting mayonnaise on it.