Whether you showed up late, ran out of alcohol or just didn’t feel like drinking, it happens. You find your way into a party filled to the brim with drunk, stumbling strangers dancing badly to overplayed music, and you’re 100 percent sober. When you’re drunk, you don’t have the mental ability to fully evaluate just what a party is truly like. On the other hand, sober partygoers have the full experience to take in, and many thoughts unknown to the drunken community cross their minds.
1. There are way too many people in this room right now.
Seriously, this has to be some sort of fire code violation. The smell should be, at least.
2. I wonder if there’s any food here.
Forget drinking; I’m so hungry. Would anyone really notice if I took a peek through the fridge?
3. This conversation is dreadful.
Sorry, but I don’t give a hoot about your fraternity.
4. I can’t dance.
What is rhythm? What are dance moves? I feel so awkward. I should just sit down.
5. Where are all of the cute guys?
Without my beer goggles, it’s nothin’ but threes and fours errywhere.
6. I’m amazing at beer pong.
When Franzia isn’t messing with my hand-eye coordination, I’ve actually got a pretty decent shot! Ball is life.
7. Why do people like this song?
No, I do not want to go all night longer. I really don’t think I can endure the entire three and a half minutes of this.
8. Did he really just use that pick-up line?
That might have got a laugh if I was schwasted, but all it’s getting now is a major cringe. Hard pass.
9. Please stop dancing like that.
You’re embarrassing me, and I don’t even know you. Oh, sweetie—no. Get off the table.
10. Dude, are you okay?
Stumbley over here needs a glass of water and a cab home pronto.
11. I miss my bed.
My comforter could cuddle me so much better than any of these contenders. I’m outta here.