We all love leafing through our favorite magazines and checking out what they have to say about our horoscopes. It’s short, usually positive AND makes you feel like maybe ~just maybe~ you’re not responsible for every single aspect of your life. But the sad truth is, you are responsible for most things in your life. Avoid these mistakes so everyone around you doesn’t silently roll their eyes when you mention that as a Leo you’re just reaaaaally loyal.
1. Doing well on an exam
You most likely would have succeeded during any other week of the year. Don’t attribute it to Saturn.
2. Oversleeping
Jupiter and Venus had no part in you hitting snooze 10 times this morning. Your erratic sleep schedule, on the other hand, might have had something to do with it…
3. Your mood
While mood swings can be horrific, they’re caused by something inside your body that has much more power than any planet. They’re called hormones, and you must never underestimate them.
4. Incompatibility
Just because he’s a fire sign and you’re a water sign doesn’t mean that you’re destined to fight like cats and dogs. You’re destined to fight like cats and dogs because he wore socks to bed and is, therefore, a monster.
5. Laziness
Staying in bed all day is a phenomenon everyone has to fight off every day of the year, which means there’s no WAY it is caused by your horoscope.
6. Being broke
Online shopping, two-day shipping and adding avocado to every sandwich you order is the reason your bank account has eight dollars in it right now, not the alignment of the planets.
7. Friend drama
She may have totally been acting like a classic Gemini, but you have to communicate with both of her Gemini twins to solve this. Or cut her loose…
8. Being attracted to Leonardo DiCaprio
It has nothing to do with your horoscope. It has everything to do with being a human person.
9. Your worst qualities
You daydream, not because you’re a Pisces, but because you’re uninterested in what’s going on. You’re stubborn, not because you’re a Taurus, but because you’re sure that you’re right.
10. Forgetting to call your mom
If you’re gonna attempt to make an excuse for this one, you better rely on something more concrete than your horoscope. We would suggest family emergency, but she’d know about that…
11. Wearing the same pair of socks for three days because you have no clean laundry
This is one of those rare instances when you can clearly see the cause-and-effect relationship. DO YOUR DANG LAUNDRY.
12. Screwing up your eyeliner so badly that your only choice is to remove it with a Q-tip
You are not a beauty guru. You are you. Invest in some makeup remover and leave yourself more time to attempt this.
13. Wishing you were on vacation
While some sites may say that this is you dying to feel more connected to the world, we all know it’s because you’re vitamin D-deficient and about to contract scurvy in your dorm.
14. Being an underling
Even Shakespeare knew not to blame your station in life on your horoscope. As Cassius says in Julius Caesar, “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” MIC. DROP.
15. Feeling confident
Never let three lines in the back of a magazine determine your self-worth.