Weâve all had a toxic friend â whether it was back on the playground in elementary school, during the terrible middle school years or even more recently. Toxic friends are never healthy, and they can trap you in a dysfunctional relationship that you might not even want to be in. But have you ever considered that you might be a toxic friend? If you think your friendships are a little bit rocky but canât quite put your finger on the source, you might want to take a look at yourself. Here are six signs that you may be a toxic friend.
1. Youâre never wrong
If you have a hard time admitting youâre wrong, you might be making your relationship hard on your friends. Itâs good to feel right, but if you find that your friends are exasperated during discussions â which seem more like arguments â you may be making your friendships more difficult than they need to be.
Abbie Doward, a senior at the University of Florida, says she was once friends with a girl who never admitted to being wrong. âIf I ever tried to bring up an issue I had with her, she could never admit a wrongdoing or take responsibility for anything,â she says.
Be sure youâre taking responsibility for your words and actions. If you find that you canât admit your faults and wrongdoings, you may be toxic to your relationships. Next time you get frustrated when things donât line up the way you want them to, ask yourself if youâre being too stubbornâand why.
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2. You get jealous of friends
Itâs normal to get jealous of friends from time to time â especially if they, say, ran into Chris Pine on the street or got a new Kate Spade handbag for their birthday. But if you find yourself constantly getting jealous of friends over small, relatively meaningless things, you might want to take a step back and evaluate.
Abbie says her toxic friend was also jealous of anyone else she spent time with. âIf I made plans with other friends/people, she would be angry if I didn’t include her or tell her about it,â says Abbie. âShe had to be involved and included in everything. She would say I was trying to cut her out and ostracize her if I made plans to hang out with a friend we both knew, which was totally untrue.â
If you often envy your friends â especially your friendsâ friends â take a moment and try to figure out why. You could be feeling jealous because of your own insecurities or if youâre not feeling confident in your current friendships. If youâre causing tension within your friendship because youâre jealous of simple things, you may be a toxic friend.
3. Youâre self-centered
Itâs understandable to prioritize your own needs, but in order to keep up a healthy friendship, you need to care about your friends. It goes without saying that a one-sided friendship is an unhealthy one.
Abbie says her friend âtalked endlessly over and over about her own problems and issues and stories and didn’t take the time to ask me about my day or my issues.â In this case, she was focused on herself and didnât have the time, or the interest, to hear about her friends.
Itâs easy to get caught up in your own problems, so make sure youâre making a point of reaching out to friends about their own lives. Ask whatâs been going on, keep up with their lives and spend time with them regularly. If you find that youâre genuinely not interested in your friendsâ lives, you could be making your relationships unhealthy.
4. You talk about friends behind their backs
In large groups of friends, the conversation can often lead to discussing mutual friends. And while it isnât bad to discuss friends, itâs another thing to talk behind someoneâs back.
âI would say that you can tell someone is a toxic friend when you feel like they are going to talk about you behind your back,â says Bridget Higgins, a junior at UMass Amherst. âIn my case, mutual friends came forward and told me about the things my âfriendâ would say about me when I wasn’t around. She even talked about a lot of secrets I told her!â
Next time youâre about to share a piece of gossip about a good friend, try to hold yourself back. Being manipulative is mean-spirited and can have a negative effect on other people, so make sure to remain genuine. If you have a problem with a friend, try to deal with it one-on-one.
5. Your friends arenât a priority
With school, work and family time (and probably more) already on your plate, itâs understandable if your social life has to sit on the back burner every once in a while â but it shouldnât be happening regularly. In order to keep up a good relationship with your friends, you should be treating your friendship as something thatâs important to you.
âAnother type of toxic friend are those who do not make your friendship a priority, or don’t seem to put in as much effort as they should,â says Ariel Vaisbort, a third-year at Western University. A one-way friendship is no fun for anyone, so make sure you keep that from developing. Ensure that youâre always showing your friends that theyâre important to you. And if you donât consider them a priority, youâre probably making the friendship a little toxic and definitely one-sided.
6. You act differently around other people
Itâs natural to act differently around other people, but if you find yourself acting like night and day around your friends, you might be coming off a little two-faced. Itâs one thing to behave differently around your parents and family than you do around your best friends, but when youâre changing aspects of your personality when certain people are around, you might be crossing a line.
Try to remain genuine in your friendships and be your truest self around everyone. We all act a little differently when new friends or significant others are around, but try to remain true to yourself in all situations. If youâre being yourself, you cut out the risk of being ingenuine and manipulative.
Itâs easy to go on in a friendship without thinking that youâre causing any problems. But if you find that your relationships are in uncertain waters lately and canât quite identify why youâre feeling this way, consider taking a look at yourself firstâyou may be the toxic friend.Â