It’s Friday night, which means one thing: You’re going out. You’ve waited all week for this, and you’re so pumped to have a crazy, memorable night at your favorite bar. But we all know alcohol has the tendency to impair our judgment, so sometimes our expectations don’t exactly match reality.
Expectation: Before you go out, you’ll spend at least an hour pregaming (with cute cocktails you found on Pinterest) so you’re just the right amount of buzzed by the time you get to the bar.
Reality: You have approximately 20 minutes to shower, put on makeup and drink, so you end up ripping gross vodka shots way quicker than you should. And then you almost get turned away from the bar because you stumble up to the door.
Expectation: A bar is an exclusive privilege for you and all your upperclassmen friends, and your horizontal license proves it. You can’t wait to be around your awesome 21-year-old+ peers.
Reality: Sloppy drunk freshmen are everywhere and no upperclassmen are to be seen. Man, they really need to get stricter about fakes.
Expectation: Your makeup that you meticulously put on will stay perfect the whole night and everyone will LOVE your adorable-yet-sexy outfit.
Reality: When you go into the bar bathroom, you realize your mascara is running, your lipstick is smudged and there’s beer spilled on your shirt. Good thing it’s dark in here?
Expectation: Being the social butterfly that you are, you can’t wait to meet a bunch of new people while you’re out. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit it off with a hot guy/potential hook-up!
Reality: You only interact with the group you came with because they’re more fun than everyone else. Plus, making friends takes effort, and drunk you doesn’t feel like it.
Expectation: Some guy will catch your eye across the room and offer to buy you one (or three) drinks throughout the course of the night. Chivalry is so not dead.
Reality: You can’t even get your guy friends to buy you a drink, so you end up spending all your cash on cranberry vodkas. For yourself.
Expectation: You’ll immediately make friends with the bartender, and the next time you go to pay for a drink, he’ll give you a free round for you and your friends.
Reality: The bartender doesn’t even acknowledge your existence at the packed bar and then overcharges you for a weak cocktail that he half spills as he gives it to you.
Expectation: The DJ will play all your favorite songs so you can dance and sing the night away.
Reality: DJ [insert ridiculous name here] is a fan of weird remixes and a lot of techno. It’s fine to dance to for a while before you realize that the playlist is on repeat.
Expectation: You and your girls will tear up the dance floor showing off all your flawless moves that will impress everyone watching.
Reality: The “dance floor,” aka the small, empty space crammed with people, isn’t big enough to breathe in, let alone dance in, so you resort to swaying in place to avoid the sweaty couple making out right next to you.
Expectation: As you leave the bar, you and your friends recount all the night’s funny moments. When you get home, you dutifully drink enough water and wake up sans hangover the next morning.
Reality: In an attempt to redeem your mediocre night, you immediately call for delivery pizza as you leave the bar, eat said pizza and pass out before you drink any water, leaving with you a pounding headache the next day.
Expectation: You have the best night ever and can’t wait to do it again next weekend.
Reality: You had a so-so night out and you’ll probably do it all over again next weekend.