World Cup Fever is everywhere you look: barely dressed on magazine covers, out-trending Justin Bieber on Twitter, actually airing on ESPN. We’re facing some serious competition. Brazilians can practically write poetry with their feet; Argentina has one of the greatest players in the world and is coached by Diego Maradona (who, as it turns out, is something of a cokehead and crazy person now … oh, how the mighty have fallen); the British at least know to call the damn sport “football.” But, well, we’ve got… spirit! And cool uniforms! And Tim Howard, one of the best keepers in the world! How can we lose if they never score? …don’t answer that.
This is Manchester United’s reaction to our habit of referring to football as “soccer.”
Point is, I have my game face on and you should too. We’re talking about an event that was watched by 715.1 million people in 2006 — more than six times the number of people who watched 2010’s Superbowl. Still not convinced? Here, in no particular order, are ten more reasons to love the World Cup. No matter how Team USA fares, you can still come out a winner.
1. Surprise – there’s a World Cup drinking game! As it wouldn’t be right to green-light underage drinking, we only condone this for the 21-plus crowd.
2. Need help drinking? It doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re rooting for — there is a bar filled with fans just for you.
3. Even after you get riotously drunk, the scoring will still make sense. Sure, should a header be worth more than a goal you score with your feet? A penalty kick worth less than a shot from outside the box? Should a goal you accidentally score on your own team not count at all? (This happens more times than you might think). Well, yeah, that would be a smart idea. Basketball understands this. Football understands this. But soccer says “suck it” to these pro-rated scoring systems. As Gertrude Stein probably wrote at one point in time or another, a goal is a goal is a goal.
4. Our team is stacked. Not stacked like with talent (although we are) but more importantly, stacked with attractive guys such as Landon Donovan, Oguchi Onyewu, and Benny Feilhaber, pictured below.
5. As I write this article, Team USA just tied England. (No big deal — we already beat them when it really mattered
6. Upon closer inspection, I’m starting to think these guys have a Matthew McConaughey clause in their contracts which mandates shirtlessness as often as possible. This tournament is so glorious, sweaty and half-naked, it’s basically a month-long Michael Bay movie. Note: David Beckham (below) is sidelined due to injury, is not playing in the World Cup and thus is only tangentially relevant to this article. But he’s like the godfather of shirtless soccer, so the man deserves a shoutout. And a picture.
7. This World Cup inspired the greatest Nike commercial ever.
8. The tournament is also packed with literal rags-to-riches stories. Eto’o of Cameroon grew up playing barefoot with, as he told TIME magazine, “balls that we made out of plastic bags, wrapped tight and bound with tape.” Now, he earns $13 million a year.
9. Speaking of millions, If you are an indentured servant/unpaid intern this summer, you can make some money off the games with a World Cup betting pool
10. Crazy soccer fans make Phillies fans look like Carebears. Back in 1950 when Brazil lost the final to Uruguay by only one goal, two fans committed suicide by throwing themselves off the stands. On the bright side, some hardcore fans demonstrate their love with spirited attire instead:
And no matter what happens, just remember – even if the American men lose, the women have already won the World Cup. I’m sure the boys will catch up to us… someday.
TIME magazine (6/14/10)
GQ.com
Slate.com