The HC team — collegiettes™ who’ve been there — have advice for you on how to deal with a break up! Read our advice and then weigh in with your own tips below!
Breakups can be rough; however, I do think it’s crucial to keep looking forward. Remember that you deserve the best and will find someone awesome because everything happens for a reason. Enjoy being single: have fun with your friends or invest in a project. That and Adele’s latest album, 21.
– Kelsey Mulvey, Contributing Writer, Boston University
Figure out what you need most post break-up. If you need to be surrounded by friends and family, make it happen. But if you need time alone to breathe and recover, give it to yourself. I recommend chocolate, your favorite movies, bubble baths and long phone conversations with best friends never hurt. Let yourself heal.
– Kayla Riley, Contributing Writer, University of Maine
Distance yourself from your ex. The saying “out of sight, out of mind,” truly does work.
– Kalia Williams, Campus Correspondent, Howard University
- Don’t dwell on the relationship! Someone made the decision to end things, and it’s honestly best to just move on. Don’t re-think things or wonder what you could have done to stay together. Move on!
- Brownie batter is quite possibly the best thing ever for bad days/bad moods.
- Stay single for a while — don’t feel like you instantly need to hook up with a new guy. Enjoy being able to flirt again with no consequences!
- Lean on friends and family whenever you need someone to talk to or just want someone to listen to what’s running through your mind. They’ll always tell you how amazing and awesome you are!
– Sydney Nolan, Contributing Writer, University of Missouri-Columbia
Make a break-up playlist of nothing but Beyonce: “Single Ladies,” “If I Were a Boy,” “Who Run the World (Girls),” “Irreplaceable,” “Best Thing I Never Had.” Put it in your iPod and listen to it whenever you’re feeling upset, angry, or depressed. Because there are going to be moments when your friends have gone home and you’re left alone at night. Queen B is a single girl’s best friend.
– Alexandra Churchill, Editorial Intern, University of New Hampshire
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Tell your mom. Have a LONG Skype session where she will undoubtedly tell you that you’re better off without him, you’ll talk about how he will never find a girl as good as you (which he won’t) — after all, that’s what mothers are good at, being on your side!
– Sabrina Hamilton-Payne, Campus Correspondent, Duke University
“If you find yourself crying or upset, don’t consider it a relapse. See it as a little bit of weakness leaving you, another step closer to getting over it.” – My brother
“It may seem like you’ve invested so much in this relationship, but you’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. You’re still young enough to go through a break-up that doesn’t involve kids and divorce papers.” – My mother
“Just because she’s likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.” – Rachel Hansen (Chloe Moretz), 500 Days of Summer
As for my own opinion, there are 3.5 billion other men (or women) in the world to date. Of course this guy seemed awesome at the time—that’s why you were dating him—but that doesn’t make him perfect, or even perfect for you. So don’t focus on how this relationship didn’t work out. Now that you’ve learned another lesson and gained a little more experience, the next one will be even better. Oh, and I am a total proponent of the out-of-sight/out-of-mind strategy: even if you don’t want to be extreme and unfriend him, don’t keep pictures up, hang around places you’ll run into him or constantly look at his Facebook profile. It will do you absolutely no good.
– Sarah Kahwash, Contributing Writer, Kenyon University
Stay busy! The hardest part about a break up is when you don’t have anything to occupy your mind. It’s okay to remember the good things, but let go of the rest. Do not dwell on what could have been, whether you are the dumper or dumpee. Either position is less than fun. Let your friends, schoolwork, and other activities consume your time. If you think about him, that’s okay. But try to remember that you are better off without him, because if you were dumped, you deserve someone better. And if you dumped him, he clearly wasn’t right. Do not regret something that once made you smile, just learn something from it and flirt like crazy (there’s nothing stopping you!).
– Kathleen Kalinsky, Publicity/Social Media, James Madison University
When your friends offer you a shoulder to cry on — take it! When I went through my last breakup my friends offered me help, but I felt like a burden so I resorted to crying alone in my room. Not the right thing to do! The next time you go through a breakup and need to lean on your friends, don’t feel bad. Because “that’s what friends are for.”
– Lindsay Shoemake, Contributing Writer, Georgia College & State University
The most refreshing thing to do after a bad breakup, or any breakup really, is to go on a long walk outside with one of your close friends and just talk. If you’re honest with yourself about your feelings about the breakup, it’ll be much easier to move on.
– Ariella Morik, Campus Correspondent, Lawrence University
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My best piece of advice to collegiettes™ is to simply stop talking after you break up. I broke up with my boyfriend to go to college, but because we kept talking (almost every day), I never really got over him. It took me going to Europe and being without a phone for 4 months to finally cut him out of my life.
– Jenni Whalen, Editorial Intern, Branch Manager & Contributing Writer, Bucknell University
GO HIKING. Or swimming. Or canoeing. Or walking! Do something in nature — by yourself or with a group of friends. I find time alone to be most therapeutic, but doing something outdoors is always a pick-me up, at least for me personally. It gives you a chance to just forget about everything for a while.
– Laura Baugh, Campus Correspondent, Virginia Tech
Stay busy and avoid places you went with your ex! After my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me, I avoided going to all the places we spent the majority of our time together. Instead, I explored new places and made a concerted effort to spend time with new people. I found that it was easy not to miss him when I was in an environment that I couldn’t imagine him in.
– Michelle King, Editorial Intern/Health Editor, Emerson College
After a breakup it’s best to stay busy. Don’t sit at home and think about it all day. It’s just depressing.
– Jaira Keys, Campus Correspondent, Texas Tech
- Reach out to all of the people you haven’t been in touch with lately, whether it’s texting an old friend or Skyping your grandma, contact with other people will keep your mind off of the breakup. Who knows, you could even spark up a relationship with an old flame.
- Don’t sit around and analyze. Whatever you can do to fill your schedule, do it! Don’t turn down any invites, you need to be constantly doing something to keep your mind off of things.
- The times that are the worst are before bed and when you’re laying around. If you keep busy and tire yourself out during the day (pick up a new hobby, go on a walk) it will be easier to focus on other things.
- STAY OFF OF FACEBOOK! It will only make you stress out.
– Caroline Finnegan, Contributing Writer, U of Illinois Urbana-Champaign