Sometimes, you’re just not that into him. While you can always let an objectionable bachelor ogling you from across the dance floor down firmly, but politely, we’ve found that evasion and deceit can work just as effectively! From outrageous claims to unsolicited confessions, here is the official Her Campus list of phrases you can use to turn someone down––without being the least bit polite.
1. I’d love to go out with you Saturday, but I’m going to have a migraine that night.
2. I think I hear someone calling me… way, way over there. (And then bail!)
3. You want to make out right now? I don’t think that’s a great idea, what with my infectious mouth disease and all…
4. I suffer from somnambulism, so if I go home with you I might end up raiding your fridge and eating all your leftovers in the middle of the night.
5. Sorry, but my mom is really set on me marrying someone who’s Greek Orthodox.
6. This feels like the beginning of a really great friendship!
7. I’d love a drink, as long as you’re not under the impression that offering me one will entice me to hook up with you later.
8. My pet goldfish just passed away, so this really isn’t a great time for me to be seeing anyone.
9. It’s nice; being around you is just like being around my brother!
10. I’d probably be more into this if the pregnancy test I took this morning hadn’t been positive.
11. If only I hadn’t just enrolled in a convent…
12. It’s not you; it’s your facial hair. And your shirt. And your personality.
13. I’m sure you’re a great dancer, but due to my claustrophobic tendencies I need to maintain a five-foot radius around me on the dance floor at all times.
14. I’m deaf in my left ear, so I can’t really understand what you’re saying. Nope, sorry, still can’t hear you––my right ear isn’t that great either.
15. I’d totally give you my number, but I’m not sure my girlfriend would be thrilled about it.
16. I’d love to get dinner with you, but I’m a gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free vegan who’s allergic to shellfish and nuts, so my options are pretty limited.
17. I have genital herpes, so…
18. Sorry, but I just remembered that I have to go trim my split ends right now.
19. My parents just got divorced 13 years ago, so I’m still pretty fragile.
20. It’s been great talking to you, but I think I’m going to go talk to that really attractive guy over by the bar now.
21. See this ring I’m wearing? It’s from when I made my vow of abstinence.
22. I’ve had a lot to drink tonight and I’m probably going to vomit sometime within the next 20 minutes, so I’m just going to terminate this conversation now.
23. Samahani, mimi si kuzungumza Kiingereza. (Translation: “I’m sorry, I don’t speak English.” Hopefully, he doesn’t speak Swahili!)
24. I’d love to go out with you tomorrow, but I’m going to have an unexpected family emergency.
25. I’m writing my women’s studies thesis on the patriarchal system behind courtship rituals, so dating isn’t really something I ethically support right now.
26. I only date men who have been the face of a major fashion ad campaign.
27. Talking to you makes me feel like I’m talking to one of my girlfriends!
28. My parents told me I’m not allowed to date until I get married.
29. I have a very meticulous bedtime beauty regimen, so unless you have a microdermabrasion scrub brush and replenishing eye cream at your apartment, I’m not going to be able to go home with you.
30. Hanging out tomorrow would be great, but the thing is I’ve already made plans with my DVR and a jar of Nutella.
31. My marriage has been arranged since I was five, so…
32. I’m sure you’ll make some girl that isn’t me really, really happy some day.
33. I would totally be down to make out if I hadn’t just eaten that garlic, onion, and hot pepper gyro.
34. I don’t believe in monogamy, so I think it’s best I just spare you the heartache.
35. I’d love to go see a movie with you, but I’ve already seen every single movie that’s in theaters right now.
36. You don’t have any better-looking friends with you, do you?
37. Sorry, I’m saving myself for Ryan Gosling.
38. I’m a (your astrological sign), so I really think I’d be more compatible with a (any astrological sign that isn’t his).
39. I’d give you my number, but I actually don’t own a cell phone. No, sorry, no email address either. And you definitely won’t find me on any social networking sites.
40. I don’t believe in engaging in intimate relationships due to my deep-seated abandonment issues.
41. Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow night. I already made plans to shave my legs and attempt impossible Pinterest recipes.
42. It’s such a relief that you’re gay! …You are gay, right?
43. I’m just going to be frank: I’m menstruating. So, hooking up with you tonight—not going to happen.
44. I would totally let you kiss me right now, but this piece of gum I’m chewing still has a lot of flavor left and I really don’t want to spit it out yet (or ever).
45. I think that’s my phone ringing… I better go take this call way, way over there.
46. Dinner this weekend would be great, but unfortunately I only eat solid foods on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
47. Oh, wait, I think I just spotted someone else that I’d rather be talking to!
48. I’m almost positive I forgot to put on deodorant before I left my dorm tonight, so you might want to maintain your distance.
49. I actually identify as asexual, so…
50. I’d go out with you, but I’d be afraid of my future children inheriting your nose.
Go break some hearts, collegiettes!