The guy pays. The guy plans the date. The guy asks the girl out. Blah, blah, blah. We can’t be the only ones who are bored with this pattern! We are confident, competent collegiettes who are very capable of asking a guy out without waiting for him to make the first move, so stop playing shy or sticking to tradition. As the saying goes, “When Prince Charming didn’t come along, Cinderella went over to the palace and got him.” It’s about time you put the ball in your own court and asked him out. We dare you.
“Is it socially acceptable to ask him out?”
Of course! Over half of the collegiettes we polled have asked a guy out before. A few of us are skeptical about the whole thing, but for the most part we are totally on board with asking a guy out. We polled college guys to see how they feel. The results? All thumbs up for the girl asking the guy out even though the majority said they would prefer to do the asking. “I’m a pretty traditional guy, but a girl asking a guy out shows a ton of confidence and is quite attractive,” says Matt, a 2009 graduate of Saginaw Valley State University.
Step #1: Be confident.
Most of you who have no experience asking a guy out blame it on being shy. Have you ever considered that maybe the guy is shy too? Remember when you had a crush on that guy in seventh grade, but were always too shy to say something, and then when high school graduation came around he finally admitted that he also had a huge crush on you?
Embrace all of your awesome qualities and do whatever it takes to build up the confidence to ask him out. Phil, a senior at the University of Michigan, is looking for “a very forward girl who knows what she wants and doesn’t play around.” Think along these lines: “Of course everyone wants to date you. Of course you’re the most beautiful woman in the room. The boost in self-confidence is super sexy… no one wants to date the insecure girl, too high maintenance!” says Rachel Maulding, a sex educator on college campuses who’s currently in a Ph.D. program in Human Sexuality at Widener University in Philadelphia.
Step #2: Show him that you’re original and unique.
There’s no sense in blending in with the crowd as just another college girl who studies during the week and parties during the weekend. Invite him to your upcoming dance show, show him your blog (as long as it’s not full of stories about him!), or cook a meal together. “College girls can all seem the same, and it’s hard for guys to tell them apart. But not you! You are the one that snowboards and stargazes and can sing the alphabet in Swahili, which just happens to be a language he’s always been interested in learning,” Maulding says. “Doing something funny or goofy and putting yourself out there to be rejected is risky, bold, and sets you apart from other girls,” says Derilyn Devlin, a senior at the University of Pittsburgh.
Whatever you do, do not pretend to like something. “Be real. Guys are turned off by girls who seem like they are faking their personality or trying to seem like something that they aren’t. So you don’t like sports? Don’t pretend to love them, but be supportive of his teams! You don’t want to fake what isn’t there,” says Julia Kennedy, a sophomore and HC Campus Correspondent for the University of Portland.
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Step #3: Make your move.
We’ve done everything from leaving our numbers on napkins to using his tattoo as an ice-breaker. Some of us feel more comfortable communicating online (so we don’t have to face the rejection head on), but if you want to guarantee a response and make sure it’s really him that you’re talking to, you should ask him out in person.
Whether it’s face-to-face communication, an innocent but honest text message, or something crazy like announcing your feelings through a megaphone, find a strategy that works for you and make it happen. “Start initiating conversations, finding out likes and dislikes. Get to know him. The friendlier you are and the more at ease he is, the more you will both let your guard down,” says Christina Troy, a 2009 graduate of Merrimack College. “I believe the ideal way to be asked out by a girl is when it’s just you two and no one else is around you. When it’s just you two, you’re more comfortable with each other and you know how to talk to/ask them,” says Andrew, a sophomore at Michigan State University.
Step #4: Remember to keep it casual.
It’s the easygoing girl that usually gets the guy. “You’re just a fun-loving girl that wants to hang out with a fun-loving boy. No strings, no commitments, no pressure. The initial ‘date’ is your chance to show them your charming personality — not your drunk or naked self. If you really want to spark something special, then keep it casual and friendly in the beginning and let it progress naturally from there,” Maulding says. Bob says the ideal way to be asked out “would be to do something informal like study, or have her ask me to go out to a party/pregame. It would show she had some interest but still allow me to ask her out later myself.”
Step #5: Back off and see if he tries to pursue you.
Once you’ve made your move, it’s time to step back and let him come to you. “Guys have a lot of pressure on them so I typically suggest doing something, see how they feel about it, and let them do the rest of the work. For example, I love baking so I’ve invited a guy to come over and bake with me. It’s low risk, everyone loves eating, and it turns out it can be funny. I’ve never insisted on a date, though,” says Mary Beth Hills, a senior at Aquinas College.
If you’re the only one putting any effort into the whole thing, there’s really no point in pursuing him. Take his silence or one worded responses as he’sjustnotthatintoyou and stop constantly asking him out. Make sure you walk away from rejection with your head held high and without cursing the entire male species. If he can’t make you a priority, he’s not worth it. But like we said before, there’s no harm in trying.
What tactics have collegiettes tried?
“I literally left a napkin with a corny, silly message on it for the bartender who we’d been talking to a little bit throughout the night. I was 90% kidding, not thinking it would ever work and did it just for fun. The results? He ended up texting and we’ve gone on a few dates. Turns out no one had ever done anything like that before. Just take a risk. You literally have nothing to lose (so what if it doesn’t result in a date. No harm done). You only have a chance to gain a hot date!”
– Derilyn Devlin, University of Pittsburgh 2012
“I just plain and simply ask him if he’d like to go grab a bite to eat with me.”
– Nicole Martinez, UC Riverside 2014
“I asked my crush to go to prom with me last year. I tied a bunch of balloons that spelled out ‘Prom?’ to my puppy and waited on his porch for him to come home from church.” – Alexandra Court, William and Mary 2015
“I’m on a sports team at my school that is co-ed, and we have an email list-serv. For one of my sorority functions, I emailed the entire list asking one of the guys on the team as my date. It was obviously ballsy, but I had covertly found out through a friend that he would be free that night, so I figured what the hell. It actually made it much more casual because he didn’t see it as some sort of confession of love, since I did it for everyone we know to see. He said yes and we had a wonderful time.” – -Erica, Tufts University 2012
“Text is easiest. You can make it sound so casual! Just putting a ‘we should hang out tomorrow’ at the end is so simple and nonchalant.” -Alexa Johnson, James Madison University 2014
The bottom line?
You have to be bold and willing to take a risk or two. So what if he doesn’t respond to your Facebook message or follow up after you approached him in class—there are plenty of fish in the sea, and I’m willing to bet there’s a guy out there who will fall head over heels for your ballsy go-getter attitude. Stop waiting for a call that may never come, or wondering if and when he will ask you on a date. When you do the asking out, the control is in your hands—and this is a truly powerful feeling. Tell us how you would make the first move in the comments!