Prince Charming may be closer than you think. If movies like Heâs Just Not That Into You and Just Friends have taught us anything, itâs that after years of looking for Mr. Right, some girls end up with their best guy friend. In a way, it makes sense: he listens to your pointless rants and remembers your birthday, and you obviously enjoy hanging out with him. But like any other type of relationship, this kind of romance has its drawbacks. Before you decide whether or not you should give him a chance, see what our relationship gurus and other collegiettes have to say about dating your best guy friend.
The Pros
No Awkward âGetting to Know Youâ Conversations
Whatâs your favorite movie? How many siblings do you have? Where did you grow up? Sometimes, dating feels like a cruel game of â20 Questions.â When you date a guy whoâs already your friend, you can skip the small talk. âWe already knew each other extremely well when we started dating, so we didnât have that awkward âgetting to know each otherâ period,â says Julie*, a senior at Northeastern University who dated her male best friend. Since you already know your guyâs interests, the two of you can jump into more serious conversations early on.
Dating Your Best Friend may Lead to a Long-Term Relationship
Who doesnât want to end up with a guy who has Chris Hemsworthâs face and Ryan Goslingâs body? But, as every collegiette knows, looks arenât everything. Since a set of killer abs will be replaced with a beer belly before you know it, itâs important to be in a relationship with a guy who you enjoy spending time with. According to Susanne Alexander, relationship coach and author of Creating Excellent Relationships: The Power of Character Choices, a best guy friend fits the bill. âThe reality is that a sustainable relationship or marriage requires the best qualities of friendship as part of the foundation,â Alexander says. Weâre not encouraging you to pick out your wedding dress and force your guy to say âI doâ from the get-go, but if all goes well, the two of you may be together for many years to come.
Your Friends Already Love Him
As much as you may like a guy, he wonât make the cut without your friendsâ seal of approval. Unless your potential beau has serious beef with your besties, thereâs a good chance that your buddies already know and like him. â[My friends] were friends with him, so it wasnât awkward when we all hung out,â says Gemma* a senior from Boston University who dated her best guy friend. âPlus, I knew they all approved of him already and I got to avoid the âmeet my boyfriendâ introduction.â At the same time, you wonât have to worry about if your boyfriendâs friends like you. Awesome? We think so.
Youâll Feel Free to be Yourself
While a girl rarely says no to a romantic dinner or movie outing with a new guy, these dates can carry a lot of pressure with them. Whatâs the dress code for that super trendy French place? Who pays? What should you order (a burger is too messy while guys sometimes pity the girl who orders the salad)? When youâre dating your best guy friend, you can finally relax and just enjoy hanging out with him.
âThereâs no need to put on a façade; you can just be yourself,â says Patrick Wanis, a human behavior expert and author of Get the Man You Want. Since youâre already so comfortable with your beau, thereâs no need to laugh at jokes that arenât funny or go to his favorite, expensive Indian restaurant when the thought of curry makes you a little queasy.
âWe do random stuff that I would do with my other friends, like staying in all weekend and watching movies,â says Emma Squire, a senior at Vanderbilt University. To avoid being complete couch potatoes, treat yourselves to a date night each week.
The Cons
You May be Dating Him for the Wrong Reasons
Even if you claim to love âthe chase,â thereâs something very appealing about a convenient, stress-free courtship. If your friend has feelings for you and you clearly enjoy hanging out with him, why not give it a chance? But be warned, collegiettes: convenience is rarely a good reason to date someone.
âYou may be entering it out of comfort and familiarity, not necessarily because you want something romantic,â warns Wanis. âI have one client whoâs dating a girl because he likes the way she loves him. Heâs just interested in receiving what she has to offer because sheâs a good friend [to him].â Before you and your guy friend go out on a date, think about why youâre willing to give this a shot. If convenience and comfort are your only reasons, it may be smart to move onto the next guy.
It may Change the Dynamic in Your Social Circle
Just because Monica and Chandlerâs group wasnât hindered by their relationship in Friends (thank you, television gods) doesnât necessarily mean yours will be the same. No matter how much you like a guy, spending time with just your friends is crucial. But what if heâs there during that time, too?Â
âIf I didnât feel like seeing him or if we were in a fight, itâs awkward when heâs either there and you arenât speaking to each other, or he canât hang out with his friends because youâre there,â Gemma says. All this time together may have you dreaming of the days when your boyfriend and best friends were two separate entities.
You Risk Losing Your Friendship
Letâs be honest: staying good friends with an ex is extremely difficult. Whether you broke his heart or he was the one who left you crushed, grabbing lunch and catching up with an old flame is never fun. Unfortunately, this unhappy ending doesnât change when youâre dating a friend.
âWhatâs scary about moving a friendship to a relationship is that itâs very difficult to go backwards,â Alexander says. âIt raises the risk of losing a best friend.â
Though awkwardly bumping into your former flame is a normal occurrence for a lot of collegiettes, breaking up with a best friend can feel more like Gotyeâs âSomebody That I Used to Know.â
âI used to talk to my ex every single night before we started dating. I havenât talked to him since we broke up,â says Madison*, a senior at Boston University. âHe unfollowed me on Twitter and unfriended me on Facebook. I guess it was that painful [for him].â If youâre not willing to risk a friendship, you may want to think twice about dating your partner in crime.
Though our collegiettesâ dating experiences had their own set of pros and cons, itâs important to remember that no two relationships are the same. As cheesy as it sounds, itâs important to go with your gut. Whether or not you and your best friend are soul mates, we promise that Prince Charming is on his way!
*Name has been changed.