While much is discussed about the active sex lives of college students, there are many who go through college with their virginity in tact. To take a look at what it’s like to be a virgin – by choice or not – in college, we asked 17 college women to get real with us.
“I don’t plan on being a virgin until I’m married but I have made the choice to wait until I have a strong emotional connection with someone to have sex. I found it really difficult to be a virgin in college, at first. There is such a large hookup culture at my school, and most people just want sex, whereas I’m looking for a long-term relationship.”
-Mackenzie, Lasell College Class of 2019
“I’m 20 years old and still a virgin. I’m honestly just waiting to find the right guy that I feel comfortable having sex with. I find it can be a little difficult just because still being a virgin is a big turn off for guys for starting a relationship.”
-Katie, George Mason University Class of 2017
“I have always said I will not have sex until I’m married. Not for religious reasons, just because I don’t think I will be ready emotionally until then. When I got to college I felt more pressured than ever before by friends and boys to give in. Though some people think it’s stupid that I’m waiting, most people support my decision and think it’s commendable since they understand how much pressure there is to have sex in college.”
-Helmi, University of Alabama Class of 2018
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“For the most part, I’ve decided to keep my virginity because of my Christian upbringing. For a long time, I told myself that I wanted to wait until I was married, but the more I think about it, I’m not as concerned with waiting until marriage as I am with waiting until I’m in a serious, committed relationship. I know that it’s a very intimate thing, and that it’ll be right when I’m with the right person, but at the same time I don’t think it needs to hold that much meaning. I don’t think it’s hard being a virgin in college. So far, my experience has actually been positive with guys. Although I haven’t had sex, I’ve hooked up with guys, and there hasn’t been a pressure to take it farther. I know that there is a prevalent hookup culture on campus, but I find it easy to remain a virgin despite it. I also think that it’s not something I even need to make common knowledge — my friends know, but I don’t think it’s so important that I have to tell a guy I’m dating, at least for awhile.”
-Lisa, Miami University in Ohio Class of 2019
“I’m waiting for the right person and I would very much like that person to be the one I marry. As insane as that may seem to others, I just want my first to be my last. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with experimenting with guys but I just don’t feel like I want to do that. I don’t want to have others to compare it to and feel like I’ll be able to learn with him when the time is right.”
-Chris, Case Western Reserve University Class of 2018
“I am waiting until marriage. I think I feel more ostracized or like an outsider because I haven’t dated before than because I haven’t had sex. I’m more insecure about that than about my virginity.”
-Anonymous
“Growing up in a Christian home and attending a Christian school kindergarten through 12th grade, I’ve always been taught God desires for us to stay pure until we are married. Going into college, I had friends who had decided not to follow this guideline and had sex with their significant others. Being a virgin in college when your friends are more experienced is very difficult because honestly, I can’t relate and I don’t even know half the sexual terminology they use. Personally, I’ve come to a point where I would really love to stay a virgin until I’m married, not just for religious reasons but because of the STDs out there and the hurt that can come with sleeping with someone who can’t be committed to you forever. I don’t care how in love someone is, marriage is a bond that is meant for forever. That’s a big part of why I’ve chosen to stay celibate. I just haven’t dated anyone I’ve wanted to give that part of myself to, or really anyone I can see a forever with. Realistically I know I will probably not wait until I’m married, but I would love to wait until I’m at least with the man I know God has planned for me. And who knows, maybe that man has remained a virgin for the same reasons, and in that instance I would not want to have given my virginity to someone I know was not meant for me when I could’ve waited for my forever.”
-Krista, Kent State University Class of 2017
“I’m not entirely sure if I kept my virginity because I’m waiting for marriage or Mr. Right. It’s more like I’ve been indoctrinated by my religion to see premarital sex as taboo, although, I don’t personally oppose to it and it makes a lot of sense to me. Also, being a virgin in body doesn’t mean you’re one in mind. I know about sex and I can talk about it.”
-Ysabel, The University of British Columbia Class of 2016
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“I think that being a virgin is only difficult in college when all of my friends are talking about sex and I can’t relate, or when people tease me about it, not realizing that it’s actually really personal. Virginity isn’t a big deal, and the older I get, the more I realize that. A lot of my friends regret how they lost their virginities, so it’s not something that I want to just throw away, but I’m not holding out for true love. Also, there are more virgins than you realize; as a junior, I meet people my age who are virgins all the time. It doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you decide to make it one.”
-Hannah, University of Massachusetts Amherst Class of 2017
“I’m a virgin. It’s not by any particular choice of celibacy or abstinence or whatever, I’m just waiting for the right person at the right time. So that basically means my long-distance girlfriend, the next time we’re in the same town for a night, probably. It’s not really that hard to be a virgin in college — sure, there’s a hookup culture, but you don’t really ever get pressured into being a part of that.”
-Emily, Williams College Class of 2019
“I am choosing to stay a virgin until I’m married and have found it very difficult being a virgin in college. I feel like it has negatively affected my dating life. I have had guys who I’ve connected with very well not want to exclusively date me because I want to wait to have sex. Sex is just so easily available in college, and I feel like that has caused most students to not taking dating seriously.”
-Anne, University of Alabama Class of 2016
“I really don’t find it a hard thing to be a virgin in college because I have this mentality that I absolutely will not let it happen until I am married. I want to save my heart for my husband, and I want him to do the same. Having sex is giving a part of your true love away to someone else, and even if you tell yourself you’re giving your whole self to your husband, a piece of it will always be with those you had sex with before. But, the only times I find it hard to be a virgin are when people make fun of virgins. Some people are ashamed of it. It’s kind of viewed as a childish thing to have not had sex with anyone, and that can be hurtful. People assume I’m not mature because I’ve never had sex, but I don’t feel that way at all.”
-Kelley, California Lutheran University Class of 2018
“I’m a virgin and waiting until marriage. I have many reasons, and not all of them are religious. I’ve always been so innocent, so having sex in college just doesn’t seem like something I would do. I believe that God created sex to be special and bind two people together in a unique way. Also, our culture shoves sex down our throats every day, so even if I weren’t a Christian, I would still not want to have sex. Our society tends to forget that there are more important things in relationships. Sex and love aren’t the same thing. The way it’s portrayed makes it seem cheap. Society teaches men to overvalue sex and do it as often as they can. Women are treated as objects and shamed whether they have sex or not. That double standard hurts everyone. I don’t owe anything to a world that sees me that way.”
-Sarah, York College Class of 2019
“I just don’t want to rush into anything and regret it later. I think it can be hard to meet someone or be in a relationship if you don’t want to have sex with them in the near future. Your options are more limited but in the end you don’t want to be with someone who just wants that aspect of the relationship anyway. So even if it is more difficult I would say that it’s definitely worth it. Wait until you’re ready and don’t be ashamed of it. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin in college and it’s just as okay if you’ve already lost your virginity.”
-Katie, Bentley University Class of 2019
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“Staying a virgin is partially my choice, partially how my love life has played out. Honestly, I’m in no rush. I want to wait until I meet the right person and then I’ll make the decision if I want to wait till I’m married. It just so happens I haven’t met the right person to lose it to yet. As of right now though, I’m focused on my schoolwork and not really interested in dating. I do find it difficult to be a virgin sometimes as it seems like everyone around me has had sex and I almost feel like I’m missing out on something. But then again, some of my friends have told me that they wished they’d waited longer so I don’t see any harm in waiting for as long as I need.”
-Hannah, Framingham State University Class of 2017
“Yes, I am a virgin. No, it is not because I am waiting until marriage. I doubt I will ever get married; it’s never been something that appealed to me. I also don’t know if ‘just waiting for the right person’ applies to me. I’ve never been on a date or had a first kiss so I am a virgin by default.”
-Kaitlin, Chatham University Class of 2017
“Being a virgin in college is a double-edged sword; everyone congratulates you because you didn’t ‘waste’ your v-card on a loser but then they say you’re missing out on a lot of fun and stuff at the same time. I also feel like a lot of guys get disappointed because they don’t want to ‘teach’ someone who’s inexperienced.”
-Alexandra, Ball State University Class of 2018