We’ve all been there: you get asked out by that cutie you’ve been eyeing and after the initial excitement wears off the questions come flooding in. Is it a date? Is it just a hangout? Is it a ‘Netflix and chill’ type of situation? It can be tough to distinguish between a date and a hang out, especially in college when most are on a tight budget and dinner and a movie can be totally out of the question. Don’t worry—Her Campus talked to expert Adam LoDolce, the founder of Sexy Confidence, a website dedicated to helping the 21st century woman create a love life she loves, about how you can distinguish between the two. Here’s what he told us.
First things first—what’s the difference?
Before being able to distinguish between a date and a hangout, you have to realize there is a distinct difference between the two. LoDolce tells us that “a date implies that there’s a future potential for a relationship, hanging out is merely for hooking up.” Examples of a date may be going out for drinks or coffee, being taken to dinner (regardless of who pays) or going out to see a movie, whereas a hangout is staying in to watch Netflix or hanging out late-night after a party or going to a bar. Each scenario is totally fine, as long as it’s what you’re looking for.
Related: What I Wish I Could Tell You On Our First Date
How can you tell?
Sometimes life is simple and you’ll be asked, “Do you want to go on a date?” However, sometimes it isn’t always so clear-cut. While dates and hangouts can be different in activity, sometimes your budget doesn’t allow for extravagant dinners or a movie each weekend. This is where the ground between a date and a hangout can become unclear. Charlie, a sophomore at the University of Michigan, says that he considers carving out a night to watch a movie and make dinner with someone he’s interested in a date. “I’m on a really tight budget and don’t really have the opportunity to take someone out right now, even if we split the bill,” he says. “For now, if I like a girl and I choose to spend the day or night with her I consider it a date.” In a case like Charlie’s, it doesn’t hurt to inquire about their motives and expectations to make sure you’re both on the same page.
Carly, a sophomore at the University of Michigan, believes in a situation like the one Charlie presented, it needs to be established as a date because she feels if it’s left unclear, it’s considered just hanging out. “My boyfriend and I have date nights sometimes but we hang out all the time. Movies at home can totally be dates,” she says. Sometimes the line between date and hangout is merely using the word “date.”
LoDolce says that you’ll know you are just hanging out if the use the words “hang out,” they aren’t putting in much effort or they don’t show interest in seeing you during the day. Those are signs that they aren’t looking for anything serious and are only in the market for something casual. A date doesn’t have to be extravagant to signify effort—asking to get coffee together may seem like just hanging out but it puts the emphasis on getting to know each other and fostering conversation, which is much more date oriented than a hangout.
It seems like a hangout, but you want it to be a date—now what?
LoDolce recommends asking the person who asked you straight up, “So are you asking me out on a date?” if you are unclear about the situation. It is the quickest way to relieve stress and to know where you two stand. It’s important to make it clear what you are looking for so neither of you have unrealistic expectations about what is going to happen when you get together. If one person is on the page of just wanting to hook up and the other is looking for a relationship, things can get really sticky really fast.
It may be scary to straight out ask if you’re going on a date if you’re worried about coming on too strong. However, if you “scare off” your date by asking them if it’s one, you no doubt have your answer. “If you’re scaring away someone who doesn’t want a relationship it’s a win/win,” LoDolce says. “Don’t just accept hangouts if you’re in the market for a relationship.” If you start just hanging out with someone you want to pursue romantically, you’ll end up unsatisfied and let down.
It’s a date!!!
Her Campus is just as excited as you are, and we’ve got you covered. Here’s the ultimate pep talk for talking to your crush, 5 mistakes not to make, and of course how to score a second date!
Whether it’s just hanging out or the date of a lifetime, being clear about your expectations and how they match up with your partner’s is the most important thing when it comes to dating vs. hanging out. It’s the best way to avoid being caught in a sticky situation or getting your feelings hurt. As LoDolce recommends—when in doubt, just ask. If that scares them away, you know you’re too good for them anyways! Happy hanging and happy dating!