Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
At the beginning of this semester I hooked up with a guy at a party who had just transferred to my school. We bumped into each other soberly and talked a lot in person, and in addition to texting a bit, we ended up hooking up the next weekend. While I was away the following weekend, he got a bid to a frat. Ever since he’s been pledging he’s basically ignored me. Even though we still run into each other and talk normally when we do, he ignored my texts a few times and he hasn’t initiated any texts or seeing each other. I’m confused because it felt like we were starting something. I can’t tell if he’s just preoccupied or if I came on too strong. Help?! – Ignored at Iowa State
Well I can tell you right away that unless you were sending him endless pictures of your cat or suggesting that he’d make a great husband, you didn’t come on too strong. From what I gather, the way you guys were flirting was totally normal.
As for the rest of my response, I must confess something first. I know next to nothing about pledging in Greek life. However, I did have a few roommates who were in frats themselves. Sometimes I’d go days without hearing from one of my roommates but I always assumed he was drowning in a sea of beer and women (the frat in Old School is a realistic depiction, right?).
Since this guy just transferred to your school, he’s probably taking his time when it comes to settling in. Transferring schools can be tough because everyone already has friends from previous semesters and people are less open. One of the ways to meet new people in this scenario is to join Greek life. There are several reasons why I think he’s being so distant and most of them are probably not done on purpose. Aside from the obvious “he’s just not that into you” reason, I know that when you’re pledging a frat, it consumes a lot of your free time. In addition to this, put yourself in his shoes for a second. He just transferred and probably wants to make some friends first. Since he missed out on socializing through previous semesters, making new friends can be tough. People already have their own cliques, and dormitory floors tend to establish groups, which can be tough to break into. Perhaps think about giving him time until after he’s acquainted himself with the campus and the students before expecting him to dive into a relationship.
That aside, a little communication on his part would have been nice. Although I’m frequently guilty of this as well, I know that a text saying “Sorry, I’m really busy right now” is much appreciated. But in the meantime, if you’re getting sick of waiting for him to come around, maybe think about moving on. But if you think he’s worth it, then don’t be afraid to be proactive. As I’ve said before, a lot of guys love it when a woman shows interest. Take the initiative and think about asking him out. Unless you change things up, they will keep progressing the way they are.