We all know Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Vine are way more fun when you can post photos and videos of that special someone you enjoying spending time with. However, social media can be dangerous to any relationship if used incorrectly! Be sure to avoid making mistakes that can throw your relationship into risky waters.
Mistake #1: Over-Sharing About Your Relationship
If youâre not aware how your partner feels about PODA (Public Online Displays of Affection), you should checkâitâs important to respect those boundaries. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, reminds us that posting about your relationship online without your partnerâs consent is inconsiderate.
She notes that you need to make sure your partner is on board with online mushiness; otherwise, it violates a boundary. But even if your guy is okay with you posting endless photos and statuses about him, that doesnât necessarily mean you should. âPart of the joy of a relationship is the secret world you inhabit,â Durvasula says. âSo keep some of it secret.â
Donât worry, though; if heâs upset that you posted about the pointy ear heâs embarrassed of or the amount of beans he had at dinner the other night, you can still fix it. âOwn up to your mistakes,â Durvasula says. âSit with him and figure out what the two of you consider to be âappropriate conductâ in the electronic space.â
Mistake #2: Posting Sexy Photos
Posting revealing pictures of yourself, like photos of you posing suggestively in a tiny bikini or close-ups of you in your extra-low-cut shirt, on any form of social media will almost surely spark jealousy from your guy. Mark Sharp, a clinical psychologist at The Aiki Relationship Institute, says that âputting [these photos] on social media⊠is likely to trigger stuff for some guys.â
Dylan*, a sophomore at Northwestern University, agrees. âI obviously donât have a problem you looking sexy, itâs the fact that youâre sharing it with the entire online world and it seems like you just want attention,â he says.
Lesli Doares, a marriage counselor, says âa good rule of thumb when dealing with social media is that if you wouldnât do it/say it with your partner right there, you shouldnât share it online.â So unless your partner is okay with you posting all those sultry shots, try to keep your photos appropriate.
Mistake #3: Actively Keeping in Touch With Your Ex
While you and your ex may have managed to stay friends, you shouldnât be actively interacting with him through social media by liking all his statuses and posting cutesy comments on his photos. Exes are a touchy subject in any relationship, and cyber-flaunting the fact that youâre friends with someone you used to date isnât ever a good idea.
Sharp says that many people can develop reasonable friendships with exes, and those should be supported. However, if youâre interacting with your ex online to provoke jealousy or garner attention from your current boyfriend, thatâs another story entirely. âYouâre probably playing around with stuff thatâs a little bit dangerous,â he says.
Mistake #4: Monitoring His Profile
Of course weâve flipped back through his profile pictures and we check out his wall from time, but no one likes a mega creeper. So yeah, sometimes we spend time decoding his texts or we wonder what he meant by that cryptic status, but itâs definitely a turn-off to guys when they feel like youâre watching and obsessing about their every move.
If something is bothering you about what your guy has been doing online, talk to him about it. Durvasula says itâs important to communicate with your partner instead of making assumptions or getting possessive. âNo need to call him out on every like,â she says.
Mistake #5: Subtweeting (and Other Petty Posts!)
Getting called out for something sucks, but getting called out for something in a public, online space is way worse. Matthew, a junior at UC Berkeley, hates the immaturity of subtweets. âSubtweets are the worst,â he says.
Posting about how you âhate getting canceled on at the last minute, ughâ is not a good way of handling problems in your relationship, and it makes you seem petty. Instead of subtweeting, Matthew says, âtalk to [me] instead.â
Most guys agree that you should steer clear from posting vague or passive-aggressive statuses. Jacob, a sophomore at the University of Michigan, says that if something is seriously distressing his girlfriend, he wants to hear about it before it goes on Facebook. âIf I see some vague, frustrated status about her life, Iâm going to assume itâs [because of] me,â he says.
Make sure you donât let social media negatively affect your relationship! Express appreciation for your partner, communicate with each other, maintain boundaries between your real life and your cyber life and donât share too muchâyouâll both be much happier. Keeping your relationship healthy online doesnât take a lot of effort, and in the long run, itâll make the relationship that much more likely to last.
*Names have been changed.