We’re always told to be honest, upfront, and open with our significant others, but some things are best left out of relationships. Think twice before you over-share, because we can think of at least five things that your boyfriend shouldn’t, doesn’t, and never will want to knowâŠ
âI have a mustache!â
Bleach, wax, shave, laser, pluck, tweeze, pull, or cover upâI donât care how you deal with excess hair, and neither does your man. The occasional complaint is not necessarily off-limits (âItâs so unfair that you donât have to shave your legs!â or âWaxes are so expensive!â) but the logistics of your hair removal are better left between you and your friends. And your follicles. Why? Not only will your boyfriend immediately picture you with a Grover Cleveland style handlebar mustache, but heâll also have nothing to add to the conversation so youâll be left feeling both stupid and hairy.Â
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âHere are the details surrounding my horrible stomach flu!â
I too have read the canonical literary work Everybody Poops. But notice that the sequel âŠAnd Here are the Graphic Detailsnever got published. Your boyfriend is more than welcome to bring you chicken soup when you get sick (or, in this case, water and toast), but then he should probably leave and let you do the dirty work. Call me old-fashioned, but I come from the school of âwhat happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.â
âI had (another) sex dream about my ex!â
You can be open and honest without divulging every detail of your waking and sleeping life. Had sex with your ex? Tell him. Dreaming about sex with your ex? Keep it to yourself. Itâs not like you feel compelled to tell him about the weird dragon fight or topless midterm recurring nightmare. Whatâs the point of starting a fight and making him feel insecure when you could just roll over and cuddle with the guy whoâs actuallyin your bed?
âMy mom thinks I can do better than you!â
This is mean. So donât say it. When youâre in a relationship thereâs an implicit understanding that youâre overriding all of the negative opinions friends and family may voice because you, unlike your mother, donât care if your partner is temporarily unemployed or in the middle of a long hair phase. By bringing up irrelevant negativity, youâre hurting feelings and creating tension when you could just wait in the unemployment line brushing your boyfriendâs long hair happily. Or, you know, whatever.
âIâm attracted to your brother!â
Or cousin, or best friend, or dad. Everyone has attractions, and thatâs something you canât always control (although Iâve found that picturing the object of attraction getting a cavity filled curbs libido pretty quickly). But when you share attractions that you donât ever want to act upon or materialize, you make your partner feel needlessly insecure. Especially if the other person is, hypothetically, his stronger and more successful dashing older brother. The bottom line: no one wants to think of their partner thinking of their sibling. Gross.
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Sure, you want an open and honest relationship, but âdiscretionâ and âtactâ are not always euphemisms for âlie.â You have our official permission to keep the occasional dream, stomach flu, and wax to yourself, guilt free. (And, while youâre at it, you might encourage your partner to do the sameâŠ)