16 Lies Girls Tell on a Night Out
If there is one thing I have learned from going out over the years, it’s not how to cure a hangover by noon or how to keep my heels on all night. It’s that girls tell an infinite amount of lies when they are drinking. I don’t know why we do it, but we do. Here is round up of a few classics, and what we actually mean when we tell them.
- “I’m not going to get that drunk tonight.”
I will be the white girl wasted by 10pm and you’ll probably have to flash the bouncer so he’ll let me in.
- “I’m only coming to pres.”
Fast forward 3 hours, and I will be 9 people deep on the dancefloor with 4 VKs in each hand, leading the “Cha Cha Slide.”
- “That boy I just kissed was fit.”
He definitely wasn’t. He may have been 6ft 3 and wearing a rugby tie, but I was likely confused in a vodka induced haze and he is actually a 4/10 with good lighting and a decent haircut.
- “I’m going out for some air.”
I am going home with the 4/10 and I’ll be damned if you see me and try to change my mind.
- “I couldn’t find anyone, so I just went home.”
I did my absolute best not to bump into anyone as I sprinted from the club.
- “We’ll wait right here for you.”
We will stay here for 5 minutes until Britney decides she needs a 5th VK and Ashley hears Despacito playing, and it’s game over. You’re on your own.
- “Yes I’ll have another shot!”
One more shot and I am going to vom over the bar, so I am going to throw this over my shoulder and hope no one notices.
- “My name is *insert any pretend name here*.”
That is most definitely not my name, and in fact, my name is whatever you want it to be, because I would rather pull out my own eyeballs than give away any personal information to this weird man at the bar.
- “I just met the nicest girl in the toilet!”
This girl just helped me zip up my dress and I will never see her again, but for now we are travelling to South East Asia together in the summer and I’m going to her Gran’s for Sunday lunch.
- “I’ll get these drinks!”
I am knee deep in my overdraft, someone sedate me.
- “Do you need to pee?”
I need to pee, and no way am I going alone and missing out on an emotional chat in the cubicle about that Amazon advert with the baby and the dog dressed as a lion.
- “I don’t mind, we can go home if you want to.”
Praise the Lord, I have been thinking about chicken nuggets and my slippers since 11pm but I didn’t want to sound like a loser, and now you my friend have taken the fall for us all.
- “I’m not even that drunk.”
I am very, very drunk, and likely near death.
- “No, I haven’t texted my ex.”
I might not have texted him, but I have called him 49 times and left voicemails on at least half of those. And yes, I will also delete them in the morning so I can just pretend it didn’t happen.
- “Karen is a mess, I’ll take her home.”
Karen you are a queen, you are my one way ticket out of here and into my bed and I love you.
AND FINALLY
- “I kind of recognise that boy over there.”
His name is Kyle, I stalked him on Instagram back to the beginning of time, and he spent last summer in his auntie’s friend’s sister’s holiday home in Nice.
All Photos: Google Images