You guys have been together a couple of years, spend every night at each other’s flats and are ready for the next step: moving in together. Wonderful. Well from a gal that has already taken this step and lived with her boyfriend for the past year, let me give you some advice!
First of all, be absolutely sure that this is what you both want. If you’re not totally into the idea, then that’s OKAY! That doesn’t mean you don’t want to be with him, it just means you’re not ready for that step, and that’s fine. If he isn’t quite ready for it but you are try not to be frustrated, he still wants to be with you, don’t think that he doesn’t (unless he says so…), he’s just not there yet. And this is OKAY too! Don’t ever feel like you have to take this step- do it when you’re ready and really want it. And by the way, this does not automatically mean that the next step is marriage, let me make that clear, there is no pressure.
However if you’re reading this thinking ‘Yes we’re 100% committed to doing this’ then read on for some wisdom I have acquired from living with my boyfriend.
Just like in halls or when you lived with friends in a flat it is good to lay down some ground rules. Not like curfews or anything like that, just because you’re living with your boyfriend this does not mean that you can completely control his life (just little bits of it!). However, make sure you agree on some flat rules; the last thing you want is to come home to a flat full of people having a party that you could reeeeaaaaally have done without because you have to get up at 6am for work the next day.
Food shops and bills – make sure you both know what you’re getting and how the costs will be split. I split everything with my boyfriend 50/50, and that’s been working out just fine.
Just because you’re a neat freak, doesn’t mean that he is. If you find that you’re constantly picking up clothes from the floor and tripping over shoes in the living room, let him know that he needs to be tidier. Of course this applies the other way, I don’t think your tidy boyfriend would like to pick up last night’s dress that’s actually been on the floor a few nights now; try to do your part to keep tidy too.
If you both have busy schedules, make sure you set aside time for each other. I started living with my boyfriend because he is literally busy 24/7 and we decided it would be easier to see each other if we lived together (we also really wanted to do it, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just for convenience!). However, it tends to be that I’ll be out to uni earlier than him and he is back from uni late at night, so even though we live together we still have to set aside a date night and make sure we do something at the weekend.
Don’t forget that even though you live together, you need to give each other space. Don’t panic if your boyfriend just wants to chill out on his own in your room for a while, everyone needs some alone time. Also, let him run free and go out with friends, he doesn’t need to be with you constantly. VICE VERSA TOO: don’t let him tie you down to the sofa, go out and have fun with your friends. That last thing you want is to let your friends feel forgotten, or even worse, they might even forget you.
So use this opportunity to introduce your friends! My boyfriend and I do different courses, and although we have a lot of mutual friends, he didn’t really know a few of my closest friends from my course. So have a game night, or a movie-with-a-chinese night and get mingling!
Although it feels like you might be cooking for two every night, this is not always the case. My boyfriend (who is called Adam, by the way, probably should have stated this earlier) and I started off making a massive effort to cook meals together and we’d eat together at the table every evening. It was lovely, but slightly unrealistic. It only took a couple months before we were cooking when we were hungry, leaving left overs for each other and slumming on the couch watching TV, plate in hand. This may or may not happen to you, but don’t be disappointed if it does. I know moving in together seems very grown up, but you’re still students, and students sometimes just want to eat beans on toast on the sofa in front of Game of Thrones.
Right, this may seem like a weird point, but give it a chance. Consider getting a two-bedroom flat. Not only is this a kind of insurance for the worst (of course this won’t happen!) but it’s so so good for space. If Adam and I had just got a one-bedroom flat there is no way we would have fit all of our clothes into one wardrobe and chest of drawers. Plus, a girl needs space for all her accessories, make-up and all those other girly thangs. It’s also pretty handy if you have to take a friend home with you because they possibly had too much to drink- you can just plonk them in the spare bed.
And lastly, have fun. Like seriously, you guys live together with no other flatmates to worry about- so take advantage of this. Need I say more?
I also asked Adam, the lucky lucky guy who has been living with me for the last year, if he had any advice for a girl about to move in with her boyfriend and his response was:
“Go for it – but it’s not all glamour!”
Sums it up really.