The word ‘wholesome’ generally means to be pure, moral and promotes good wellbeing. An individual who is wholesome is selfless and considerate as they think about other people, without thinking of anything in return – it’s just to be genuine. They have a pure heart, as they are sweet as hell and they must be protected at all costs. When someone commits a wholesome act, you genuinely feel fuzzy inside because someone took the time to think of you, they made your day better, they made your life easier. Wholesome acts of kindness bring me joy.
I have a lot of friends who have committed these beautiful wholesome acts. I cherish them all with my whole heart, as they spread happiness through doing such pure and wonderful things. Some of them are just so simple, like Viyom who randomly calls me just for a chat. He thinks who he would want to have a chat with, and there goes my phone. And it makes me feel good inside, because he thought of me and just wanted to see how I was doing. Friends that check up on you randomly, with no favours or other reason than to just talk – that’s a wholesome thing and it’s often overlooked.
Since I am chronically ill, I have to go through a lot health-wise which impacts me both mentally and physically. It can be exhausting to go through all this – the medical trauma, the medical gaslighting, the constant fight for it to (hopefully) get better. To be quite honest, it’s extremely isolating. But my incredible support network always exceeds my expectations in making me feel better, even just by a little. When I was first diagnosed with Lupus, JJ, my younger brother got everyone I knew at school to sign a beautiful yellow card since I was in the hospital for months. He gave it to me in the hospital, where I smiled with appreciation and have kept that card ever since. That was eight fucking years ago. It’s now on my wall where I get to be reminded I am loved, I was missed and I am never alone.
My brother continued to show care this way, where in another flare-up a few years ago, he gifted me something that was originally his. A dumpling pillow which now lies on my bed, a symbol that things will get easier, it will just take (a lot of) time. To my closest friends (you know who you are), who listens to me when I complain about how horrible the pain is, the constant hospital visits and the never getting satisfactory results. It is a wholesome act in itself for Aydan to be patient with me and to be there. It is a wholesome act for Isla to ask about my condition and educate herself on my hardships and understanding her privilege. It’s a wholesome act when Mhairi sends you flowers when you are having a tough time or when Kate gifts you a pamper pack to help you relax.
When someone takes the time, even subconsciously, to think of you, it is a wonderful thing. It makes you feel cared for, appreciated and loved. When Lucie is shopping and finds a crochet book she thinks I would love, that’s a wholesome act. When Joe creates an extensive list of shows to watch with cute little descriptions; when he invites me over to watch these show recommendations to help me forget about my endless responsibilities, that’s a wholesome act. When Jan has a packet of skittles and saves me the green ones because he doesn’t like them as much and knows they’re my favourite, that’s a wholesome act. When Katie sends me a wonderfully scented candle to thank me for my hard work in volunteering, that’s a wholesome act.
There is so much purity in something wholesome that it makes you feel so much happiness. As much as I have fun going on a night out and dancing the night away, I also love wholesome catch-ups. Cute brunches, a walk in the park, a facetime with someone you don’t get to see often. I appreciate Jan and Gustav planning pizza-making competitions, Kate for inviting me round to make jewellery, Joe for meeting me for 11 hours, playing all 48 tracks in Mario Kart and watching TV. To enjoy the little things is truly amazing as doing these wholesome activities… it’s relaxing, it’s cute and it’s incredibly fun.
There’s some wholesome acts that take a little more effort and you get surprised, but it doesn’t make it any less wholesome. For two weeks, I was on-and-off bed-ridden. My chronic pain and fatigue had heightened and my knee was unable to bend due to arthritis, so I struggled to walk for almost a week. I was limping everywhere for around five days, and when I had to climb up the stairs of the fire escape, after a wonderful Body Shop event I was not going to miss, I thought it was going to be the end of me. I was about to be defeated by a mountain of steps, where I felt bad for everyone waiting at the top so I started skipping a step with my good leg, and dragging my bad leg after. It was going to work, I promise you, but Kate, being the wholesome friend she is, purposefully walked in front of me incredibly slowly, to stop me from being able to strain my leg any further.
When I accidentally broke my TV within these two weeks due to my coat hanger falling and I literally couldn’t bend my knee to pick anything up, many of my friends (Nikola, Stella and Aliaster just to name a few) offered their services to help me out. It was a lovely thing for them to do and whilst I appreciated all of them for reaching out, Joe had come to the rescue and even lent me his TV for the time-being. He even lied to me, telling me he wanted to try my Starbucks order and made a cunning ploy so I wouldn’t figure out he did so to treat me to my favourite drink and bring it over on the way to mine. Kate and Joe are perfect examples (of many) pure wholesome beans, and their heroic acts of kindness really illustrates that fact.
I’ve been told that it should be normal for people to commit these acts, to be so kind and caring. But I am someone who has experienced many failed friendships, which has made me feel under-appreciated, devalued and disrespected. So to me, these wholesome acts of kindness are appreciated much more, because I feel my friends have actually gone the extra mile, rather than the bare minimum. The pure goodness of some people never fails to amaze me, where there are some people in your life that genuinely want to see you happy, loved and succeed. When I haven’t managed to go to the library and Jan writes in our group chat saying I’ve been missed in our usual study sessions, that I’m the ‘glue’ that keeps the group together, that’s a wholesome act that made me feel loved. When Gustav, Hanna, Shannon, Harisha, Natalia, Isla, Mireia and many others message me personally whilst you are going through a horrible flare-up to check up on you, it makes me feel valued. When Hubert finds a way to compliment me every single time I see him on something about my character, it makes me feel seen.
I cannot name every time someone has gifted me such kindness because the list is endless and I would be able to write a whole novel on it. The simple things are what really makes me happy. Just someone offering to help me lift things as I’m struggling to carry stuff, slows down because I’m having difficulty going at the same pace, being patient as my brainfog makes it harder for me to concentrate on the conversation we are having. Being happy to see you, being there and listening, just thinking of you… all are wholesome acts. Wholesome acts are so often overlooked but are so genuine, so kind, so thoughtful. The acts of kindness that expect no return, no reaction, not even a ‘thank you’. The acts of kindness that make you feel loved, visible and of course, bring you joy.