If everything goes as planned (spoiler: it never does), I will be on exchange abroad next semester. I will be the farthest away I have ever been from home for 5-6 months, without the possibility of going home for a weekend or even during Easter break, as my finances would suffer a lot from that.
I have the luck of being friends with the other person who’s coming on exchange to my same university, but other than her, I won’t know anyone. And neither of us speaks the primary language of the country we’re travelling to, and we’re not familiar with the food or culture there.
It is going to be really hard. So why am I going? Did anyone force me?
I did. I forced myself to accept that offer, apply for a visa, look for flights, etc. I did it not despite the fact that it’s scary; I did it because it is scary. I moved to Aberdeen because it was scary. I decided to study in English even though it is not my native language because it was scary. I started every job I had because it was scary (and, let’s be honest, because I needed money). And whenever I tell someone, especially back home, that I am going to the other side of the world and they say something along the lines of “oh that’s so cool I could never think of leaving this town”, my first thought is “why?”—and the second is “Ravenna (my town)? For real?”.
Why? Why do you think you’re not capable of leaving? And, to clarify, I am not talking about economic, physical, or other reasons that actually tie you to a place. I am talking about being cosy and safe in your comfort zone and not wishing to leave it. I understand it, but it just does not work for me because I am fundamentally lazy. I started books and have not finished them; I subscribed to the gym and stopped going after two weeks; I started hobbies and never practised again after a month. If you leave me in my comfort zone, I’ll get comfy. And the longer I stay, the harder it is to get up. If you ever sat on one of those giant fluffy pouffes that almost engulf you, you know what I mean.
I watched a good TED talk months ago that gave a name to the technique I use to make myself do things: auto-trapping. Don’t give yourself a way out, expose your weaknesses, even better if you make it public. This is exactly what I’m doing with this series of articles: I force myself to find at least a positive side of the events happening in my life, and I make it public. It becomes more difficult for me to wallow in my sadness or laziness if I constantly talk about growth, changes, and positive things.
Another example is related to the films I watch. I truly believe that stories can change our lives, particularly, I am a huge fan of visual arts and the cinema, and as such, I want to watch as many films as I can (currently 511 although I surely forgot to add some to the list). However, I found myself watching the same series and movies over and over to the point where I knew the lines by heart. And that is not a bad thing per se, there are some shows that I love more than others, and thus, I watch more than others. But I was not learning new stories, I was not growing. So, I started writing film reviews. I do it now for the University newspaper, and before that, I used to do it on my own blog that only my mum read—no, it is not an exaggeration. But it served the scope: I have deadlines to submit my articles, and people like to read reviews of new films, not old ones that everyone has already watched, so I ‘have to’ keep up with new releases and watch them. I watch new stories every week, I fall in love with new characters every week, I grow every week. All because I force myself to do so, even if I don’t feel like going to the cinema one night, but the review has to be ready in two days.
I also heard this non-biology-approved way of saying that recites “if you put a fish in a tank, he won’t grow much as he must fit in the tank. But, if you put a fish in the ocean, he can grow as much as he wants, he can even become a shark.”
I think we can all agree that a goldfish cannot become a shark even if you put it in the clearest and most productive ocean on earth; still, I believe the point made is valid for humans. If you don’t allow yourself to explore outside the tank, you’ll never find out what opportunities life holds for you, and you’ll never grow. So go out there, and do whatever scares you the most, it’s the only way to find out who you are.
Have a yellow week!