Being Gay in a Conservative Family

In my freshman year of high school, I started to notice I was a little different, which led me to the realization that I was gay. That year, I started to come out to people, but at the time, the only people I felt comfortable telling were my friends. 

Coming out was never a choice for me- it was always something I felt like I had to do. Being gay was a part of my identity and a part of who I was. Keeping my identity a secret was never an option for me, but coming out to my family was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life.

I come from two, very conservative-minded families, so the thought of coming out to them as gay frightened me. For years, I agonized over how I would break the news to them, especially how I would tell my parents and extended family. They all maintain right-wing ideology, and the thought of them not accepting me for who I am because of their beliefs made me so nervous.

For years, I had listened to their right-winged comments and jokes about gay people, and after I realized I was gay, those comments began to make me even more uncomfortable. 

My anxiety and fear over my family’s reactions to this news caused me to hide my sexuality for several years before finally working up the courage to tell them. Hiding who I was to the people around me was very painful and difficult. I hid for so long because I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for being myself. I felt like I knew this big secret about myself and had to force it down so the world didn’t see it. 

I could never truly accept myself knowing I was keeping the truth about me from so many people. It was even harder to imagine that the people who loved me would stop loving me because of who I was. Even though I knew that being gay was a concrete part of my identity, it was hard to respect it while living with the fear of loosing my family’s love. 

When I finally did come out it was a slow process. It started with my mom, followed over a year later by my dad, and then finally my extended family years later. The process of telling everyone took four years. Everyone in my family has accepted me on a surface level, but I know deep down they all still have some reservations about it. I know that they want to be happy for me and support me, but it’s hard for them.

My family’s beliefs had never previously aligned with LGBTQA+ rights, but I have seen them try to care more about the topic ever since my coming out, even though it is hard for them. It wasn’t easy for my family to accept my sexuality. The image they had always had of me in their minds suddenly changed when I came out, and learning how to adjust that image has been something that has taken time. 

It took a total of six years to finally come out completely. It started in my freshman year of high school and it was only by my sophomore year of college that I had finally told my entire family. It was a very long six years, but the worry, pain, and anxiety was all worth it. Now, for the first time in my life, I can finally be me. I can finally be the person I had always known I was deep down. For the first time in my life, I can face the world and tell everyone that I am gay and this is  me. I am proud of who I am and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says.

• coming out
• gay
• lesbian
• LGBTQ community
• LGBTQ+
• LGBTQIA+