Legendary Valentines

Ever wonder what spending Valentine’s day with a historical figure would be like? Of course you have! Lucky for you, through a grueling and meticulous research process, experts have been able to piece together how some historical figures may have acted on the most romantic day of the year.

 Zeus

Zeus is your Valentine? Guess what, he’s everyone else’s Valentine too.

William Shakespeare

He’ll probably write a couple of sonnets about you before he leaves you for Anne Hathaway.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Honestly, she probably wouldn’t have much time for you while she’s running the country.

Henry VIII

You’ll lose your head over him.

Karl Marx

You can’t be his Valentine, but you can be the community’s Valentine. Love must be shared equally.

Martin Luther

He’ll give you 95 reasons why he’s a great Valentine.

 Cleopatra

Pros: She’s gorgeous. Cons: She’ll make you lose the Roman Empire.

 Sigmund Freud

You’ll spend all of your supposed-to-be romantic dinner talking about your father.

Christopher Columbus

Valentine’s Day itself will be exciting, but he’ll leave you sick over the next few days and give your number out to all his friends.

….on second thought, maybe it’s best to stick to the present.