Dear Anxiety,
I don’t like using the word “hate” loosely because it’s a little too serious for me. I may say, “Oh my goodness, I hate that!” but there’s a difference between saying it as a joke and saying it with intent. Well guess what? I hate you. I have a burning hatred for you. You make my life even more stressful and even more difficult than it already is. I just want to be able to do or say things without worrying about them. Without feeling so insecure afterward. It’s not fair that I think about the things I say or do days after they happen. I shouldn’t have to worry so much.
I hate that I have anxiety attacks while I’m trying to sleep because I overthink things too much.
I hate that some people don’t understand. I hate that I feel uncomfortable in my own skin because of you. I hate that I can’t send a simple text without feeling annoying. I hate that I can’t ask a question or ask for help because I’ll feel stupid. And you know why this happens? Because of you. Because you decided it was a great idea to cloud my thoughts and steal me for hours, days, weeks, months, and years.
I hate having to put on a fake smile and pretend that I’m not freaking out on the inside because of you. I like to stay positive and I believe that people should let go of negativity in their life. You wanna know something? I’ve done just that. The only negative thing left is you, and you won’t seem to leave.
I find myself trapped in my mind. I find myself feeling alone in a room full of people, and do you want to know why? Well because if I even dare say something, you’ll tell me it was wrong. You’ll tell me it was stupid. You’ll tell me I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed because of you. I don’t want to go to class. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to go to clubs. All because of you. I love making new friends and talking to people, but I can’t, because of you.
I used to sing in the shower. Now my showers are silent and sometimes filled with tears. Do you like making people cry? Why?
I’m so tired of you. I’ve never gone through a breakup, but I think this is the best place to start; I’m breaking up with you. I’m tired of having you in my life. You don’t make me happy and you don’t make me laugh. You make me miserable. You make me hate myself. I’m so over it. I’m so over you.
Dear Anxiety,
This is goodbye. I hope we never cross paths again.
Hate,
Cynthia