Just over a year ago today, I sat down to write an article titled “Champions of Women” Are Part of the Problem. I wrote with a clarity that was electric. My motivations were not to anger, nor to tear down, because I was not writing to the ‘champions.’ I was writing to the survivors, begging my campus to show me that I was not alone. Trust me, not a single word in that article was accidental and I do not take back a word I said.
Now I am writing from a hammock over a river in northern Thailand. I’ve been here for over two months now, but I am still a student at the University of Alabama and I still fight for survivors.
The student group at the University of Alabama, Men Against Rape and Sexual Assault, just released a statement that one of their members has been accused of pattern predatory and abusive behavior including rape and sexual assault. The fact that this man felt comfortable being a part of this group raises some very serious questions. Most of all, I question the intentions of the group, as well as the members individually.
Intentions show a map to one’s heart and reveal themselves not always in words, but in actions and reactions.
In my last article, where I spoke of men putting themselves as the center of attention and asked them to pass the mic, the response was for men to reach out to me because they put themselves at the center of my article and didn’t want to pass the mic.
I didn’t name names. I didn’t even think of particular names in my writing, besides the man who wronged me. However, many men believed I was speaking about them, and that speaks louder than I ever could.
In a cry for help, I asked for a voice. I asked to be heard. And people finally did listen, but many still didn’t hear me. Their egos were placed higher than actual devotion to the cause. That also speaks louder than I ever could.
MARS is a group that has potential to affect waves of positive change. I tried to speak to their leadership about that last year and was blown off. Other students, like UA junior Jolie Money,, are disappointed with this revelation as well. “Performative activism is more toxic than passive infographic shares to Instagram stories,” Money says, “Predators use these organizations as a way to make victims feel safe and then prey on their comfort.”
The statement alone does mark a step in the right direction. An anonymous student shared that they hope that “seeing how seriously and professionally they have handled this encourages other survivors to come forward.” Personally, I hope that MARS can take this as an opportunity not to jump to defend themselves, but to reflect on their actions and reactions. Moments like this reveal character.
This article is not meant to stir the pot again, it is a reminder that the fight isn’t over. Insincere activism is still plaguing our world, and our campus. There are still people out there saying the right words in order to find a trust that can be taken advantage of. There are people tokenizing, stepping on, and ignoring the voices that have found the courage to speak up. There are still people covering up their true intentions, even to themselves.
Every step of every day is a leap of faith, and this is mine. I am publishing this for my fellow survivors to know that I am never done with the fight. Even when our hearts ache, we can feel strength in community.
To all the ‘champions’: I forgive you for everything you said about me, but I cannot forgive you for the continued pain you’ve inflicted on this campus. It is not my place to do that. I hope you will learn that protecting your friends and your egos only hurts others. Time has only continued to show this fact. Even if you are not directly hurting anyone, each time you excuse these actions and brush them under the rug, you allow for them to continue. I hope you will finally hear me.
The difference between ending and continuing systems of abuse is in the words “I believe you”. Let us now listen to stories with empathy and open minds and continue to believe all survivors.
To the survivors: This is for you. I wish you nothing but healing for your hearts and nourishment for your souls. Your strength of character has given way to an incredibly important conversation and I hope you know that there are so many people, even those you don’t see, that have your back.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org.