Throughout my college experience, I’ve noticed that the idea of long distance relationships can carry plenty of negative stereotypes. The amount of times I heard phrases such as, “it isn’t going to last” or “you’d have more fun in college if you were single” made me realize how many people have a negative perception of long distance. In all honesty, I can understand where people are coming from. It can seem daunting, and finding success can seem far-fetched. My opinion changed when I found a connection that I felt was worth the efforts and risks of long distance. After two years of going through it myself, I am thankful for the experience. I learned the effects of having healthy versus unhealthy habits and mindsets, how to best handle conflict and doubts over the phone, and how to maintain trust and excitement through the distance, and you can too!
It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
It’s easy to give into the sad feelings after saying goodbye to your significant other. It can feel like a piece of you is missing, and it can be extremely difficult to find your fullest potential and satisfaction without that person being physically beside you. The first thing I had to learn was to give myself grace. It’s okay to give into the sad feelings, to cry and have bad days. I myself have experienced first hand how hard it can be to not let those feelings take over your entire life. Learning the coping mechanisms that work best for you is crucial for handling these overwhelming emotions; for me, talking to my significant other on the phone, getting out for a walk and hanging out with friends were great activities for keeping my spirits high.
Dealing With Tunnel Vision
During the first six months of long distance, I struggled to find happiness within myself. It was hard to accept the fact that I needed to meet new people in a new place, and that my boyfriend needed to do the same. This caused me to overthink to an unhealthy point; I would overanalyze everything and doubted my ability to balance my feelings of missing him with finding what made me happy. I formed those unhealthy habits anyone who has been through a breakup knows all too well. I was checking his location, texting him nonstop, and declining invitations to do activities in college because I wished I was doing them with him instead. I realized I had a tunnel-vision approach toward life at the time, and I needed to start looking at the bigger picture.
Trust Your Partner and The Process
I quickly learned that these habits are not healthy or maintainable. In order for long distance to work, you need to fully trust your partner. As difficult as it can be to put your doubts aside, you have to remind yourself that everything will work out how it is supposed to, and find comfort in the fact that your significant other committed to the test of long distance because they truly believe you can last. Once I stopped the self-sabotaging and overthinking, I actually began to enjoy being apart. While it would’ve been nice to just relax in each other’s presence sometimes, the distance forced us to have deep conversations, find out-of-the-box ways to show appreciation and maintain independence.
Sharing The Love Miles Apart
Over these two years, I learned how to make someone feel loved and special from afar. My boyfriend and I had a two hour time difference, so one of my favorite things to do was DoorDash him breakfast every so often to put a smile on his face first thing in the morning. While this may seem like a simple act, it goes a long way. You learn to appreciate every little thing when you have limited time to be spent with your partner. Another habit we formed that kept a mutual satisfaction within our relationship was celebrating the little things. Whether it was a monthly anniversary or acing a test, we would make sure to acknowledge it all – through phone calls, Venmo’s for coffee, or mailing each other letters.
Keep Texting To A Minimum
Over time, I realized one of my favorite ways to keep my relationship exciting was to keep our texting pretty minimal. We would both set time aside to FaceTime each night and tell each other about our days. By doing this, it gave me something to look forward to each day, and it would give us plenty to talk about. I noticed that the more we texted and updated each other throughout the day, the less we had to talk about when we called – which can make the relationship feel stale.
Get To Know Yourself And Your S.O. On A Deeper Level
Through the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with long distance, I learned a lot about what I need in a relationship. With my love language being words of affirmation, it was extremely important for me to communicate that to my boyfriend off the bat so he knew what could make me feel special – even from across the country. Successful long distance relationships require open and honest communication, and while having expectations is reasonable, you can’t always assume your significant other will know when something is wrong or how to make you feel reassured. Whether you are having doubts or need your partner to adjust their habits to be able to meet your needs, the only way to become stronger and work through issues is to talk through them.
Quick Conflict Resolution Is Key
Being hundreds of miles away from your significant other can start to drive you crazy at times. Sometimes conflict can rise in the form of missing each other but be masked by pointless arguments. Being in touch with yourself is the start to handling conflict. It’s important to know where these emotions are stemming from and what you need from your partner to move forward. Something that I had to learn was the importance of letting go. With having separate schedules and a time difference, availability for phone calls was limited; I didn’t want to spend that time arguing. Over time, we learned that the best way for us to handle conflict was by taking a bit of space to reflect. Is this argument really worth the limited time that we get? Am I genuinely hurt, or am I just irritated? Whenever we tried to solve problems immediately, emotions were high, and progress was rarely made. By taking time, we were able to cool off, think about each other’s perspectives and brainstorm ways we can avoid the same conflict from happening in the future.
Your S.O. Should Enhance Your Life, Not Consume It
My biggest takeaway from two years of long distance that I will carry with me through life is how important it is to make time for yourself. Whether you are across the country or living together, being independent is key to having a healthy relationship. Another key lesson to note is the importance of maintaining your own friends and your own routine. As much as you may want to spend every waking moment hanging out with or talking to your partner, a significant other should enhance your life, not consume it. Long distance forces you to do things on your own which can feel like a punishment at times, but it taught me how to remain independent which is crucial for having a great college experience.