Take the Bid: The Standard for Our Significant Others

Ladies (and gentlemen), as complex as the situation may be: KNOW YOUR WORTH. 

In the midst of my hot girl walk– gotta keep those New Year’s resolutions going– I tuned in to my spirit guide: Tinx (@tinx). I’ve never been one for podcasts, but when I saw the TikTok queen herself was on an episode of “Berning in Hell” with Hannah Berner back in October, I had to listen.  

I will spare you the details on being a Rich Mom California vs. a Rich Mom NYC because that’s a whole topic within itself. Let’s get to the real juice: Does your S.O. take your bid? 

At first, the concept seemed redundant. Clearly, we would only be with someone who listens to us. However, as Hannah and Tinx spit words of wisdom, it’s not as simple as it may seem. It’s not only if they listen and remember– but the emotions imposed on you when you speak. In relationships, especially in the early days, we tend to censor our conversations or avoid any interaction that would make us seem weird or not interesting.

This is where we all go wrong. 

The feeling of being insignificant or not interesting enough is not on you. It’s on them. Your words hold value, and you should be with someone who recognizes this. You should be with someone who takes your bid.

So, what is a bid? 

According to the Gottman Institute, a research institute focused on human relationships, a bid is “the fundamental unit of emotional connection.” A bid can be simple, like saying to your S.O. “Those trees are so pretty” to “How was your class today?” The receival of the bid is just as important as giving it. Does your significant other acknowledge and engage in your bid, or do they turn away or brush off the conversation by not investing in it? 

For example, you sigh– yes, a bid does not have to be verbal– at a text you receive, and your partner continues like you didn’t just open yourself up to a conversation. That is not taking the bid. But, if your partner asks, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you okay?” and wants to engage in conversation, that’s taking the bid. 

Recognizing the response to the bid is important. When bids are ignored, we all subconsciously put ourselves in a corner. We question if we were being annoying, if our story was not funny, or if they even cared about what we said. But you cannot think of that, you’re funny and interesting, and someone should care about what you have to say. Know your worth and don’t lower yourself for anyone. 

Holding Your S.O. to the Best Friend Standard

Compare giving a bid to your partner and to your best friend. 

We comfortably say the most random statements to our best friend. A simple, irrelevant statement like, “I don’t mind the idea of short wedding dresses” turns into an hour-long conversation with your best friend. The next thing you know, she is sending pins from Pinterest for short wedding dresses. Not only did she engage in your conversation, but she also showed that she listened. These are small gestures that I never consciously thought of, but after listening to Tinx, I realized this was considered a bid. If a friend consistently rejected my conversations or made me feel like I was irrelevant, I would, and have, distanced myself. We should keep the same mindset for our significant others. 

Now, I don’t expect my significant other to be sharing extensive Pinterest boards with me (but, if he does, he’s a keeper) or respond to every single sentence I say– it’s unrealistic. However, there is a balance of both initiating conversations and giving attention when it is due. 

Regardless, it’s important to recognize how your conversations with your significant others leave you feeling. 

• Do you feel seen or heard? 

or

• Do you feel worse or ignored? 

The relationships we hold have a significant impact on our mental health, so let’s pick the ones that lift us up and recognize our bids. 

• healthy relationships
• love life
• significant other