The 13 People You’ll Meet at Every Party

If you’re up on your school’s party scene chances are you’ve had run-ins with some or all of these kids. Here are the 13 people that you meet at every college party. 

1. The “It” Girl

This girl has magical powers and you don’t know how she does it. She shows up at the party with perfectly straight hair and when she leaves it’s still straight, despite the fact that it is so humid in that frat basement that the walls are literally sweating. You heard that she has the same yoga instructor as Beyonce. She’s raging just as hard as everyone else and still manages to keep her eyeliner in place. Find her most often admist a swarm of boys trying and hoping for the chance to talk to her. 

2. The Screamers

It’s the weekend and these girls are ready to party….they also have no idea how loud they are being. They have no idea what is going on, but they are very excited about whatever it is. They’ll toast to anything. The only downfall to these girls is that you can’t stomach being around them for more than ten minutues. Find them most often being hushed by everyone on the way out the door. 

3. The Crying One

This party-goer is usually, but not always, a girl. After that last drink that pushes them over the edge, they start bringing up all their old baggage. Their exestential crisis is usually set off by them wondering why they and their middle school boyfriend/girlfriend didn’t work out, them remembering their student debt, or thinking about the D they got on last week’s paper. Find them most often in line for the bathroom, preparing to give themselves a pep-talk in the mirror. 

4. The Awkward Dancers

These kids have no sense of rhythm and they are painfully aware of it. When you see them you will wonder if they can even hear the music that is playing, because it does not look like it. This is usually the first person on the dance floor, dancing by themselves or with their three closest friends. Find them most often on the dance floor awkwardly throwing their arms up to techno music too early in the night. 

5.  The Kids Who Need To Find A Room

This couple probably doesn’t know each other’s names and they probably don’t care. They both managed to get seperated from their respective friend groups and found each other. Somehow they managed to go from flirty dancing to full-blown dance floor make-out in 30 seconds. They have absolutely no idea how sloppy they are being. In the moment, they think that the other is the hottest person they have ever seen, they will change their mind tomorrow after extensive Facebook stalking. Find them most often exiting the dance floor hand in hand to find somewhere “less crowded”.

6. The One Falling Asleep

This person is all laughs one minute and then the next thing you know they are slumped over the railing. They have clearly had more than a few too many, or forgot to pace themselves. They are struggling to keep their eyes open while the rest of their friends are still rocking a steady buzz. Find them most often longingly eyeing the door and drunkenly asking their friends if they can take their shoes off yet. 

7. The Person That Everyone Is Looking For

You will never actually meet this person, but you will hear their name hundreds of times. They are the serial vanishing act. See their friends constanltly making laps around the party, peeking around every corner for them. Hear there friends complain about how said person “always does this!” Find them never.

8. The Klutz

This person is the captain of team party-foul. They will spill any drink in reach, and try to hide multiple wardrobe malfunctions. You’ll never understand what they are saying becuase they are slurring their words so badly. Overhear them telling their friends “I’m not even than drunk!” Find them most often failing to catch their balance and slipping down a flight of stairs. 

9. The Creepy Guy Who Hits on Everyone

This guy was dancing with your bestfriend five minutes ago, and now he’s talking to you. After some uncomfortable half-way grinding with him for half a song he’ll ask you creepily what you’re doing later. Your best plan of action to get away from this guy is to laugh, take a drink, and then dance away as fast as possible. Don’t forget to yell at your friend for passing the creep onto you. Find him most often, lurking.

10. The Frat Daddy

You can spot this guy from miles away. He is standing outside the house with his frats bros, beer in hand, welcoming girls into the party. He wins every game of beer pong, and knows everyone at the party. Don’t be surprised if you see him on the dance floor with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of liquor in the other. Find him most often in khakis, a backwards baseball cap, and greek letters proudly displayed somewhere on his body. 

11. The Kid You Only Ever See at Parties

This person has told you their name hundreds of times, and you will never remember it. You have never had, and probably never will have, a class with them. You only know them because they are at every party you have ever attended. You will never be friends on Facebook, but you will give them a high-five every time that you see them, probably because they are the most reliable physical presence in your life. Find them most often at next week’s party.

12. The Stoner

This kid has no idea that he’s even at a party, but is all about good vibes. Hear him saying “Broooo” and “Duuuddee” all night with more syllables than necesarry. He is most easily identified by his smell, or the cloud of smoke trailing behind him, or his extreme kindness towards you despite the fact that you are a stranger. Find him most often in a room upstairs wearing a Bob Marley shirt telling someone a story about the time that he met a real rastafarian. 

13. The Kid Who Isn’t Enrolled

You’ve never seen this person before, and that’s probably because they don’t even go to school here. They are usually a friend of a friend. Or maybe a recent grad who is back in town.   They may go to a neighboring school, but it is pretty clear that they are not one of the rest of you. You make friends with them for the night and will most likely see this person…never again.

Now that you know the crew; stay calm and party on.