If you’re a girl on Tinder, you can probably identify with some of the conversations posted on the Tumblr blogs Straight White Boys Texting and Tinder’s Finest Bachelors. These blogs post text and Tinder conversations to reveal the ridiculous things women are often sent by men. Each conversation is, admittedly, hilarious as the requests for sex, pictures and the ridiculous pick-up lines appear to just come out of the blue and are unprecedented. Even when the respondent is resisting these advances. And thus, these blog not only reveal the worst pick-up lines ever, but the scary reality of sexual harassment that women face daily.
Sexual Harassment: Online and On the Streets
Hollaback, a non-profit and movement that works to end street harassment, recently released a video of a silent woman walking through New York City that displayed over 100 instances of sexual harassment directed towards her. According to the website, Stop Street Harassment, in an informal study, 99% of respondents reported some sort of street harassments that included, but is not limited to whistling, vulgar gestures, sexist comments, groping and even assault.
The video released by Hollaback brought on a storm of debate that isn’t new. Some people argue that street harassment isn’t harassment at all. Comments on the video itself argue that a “hello” is simply not street harassment. Furthermore, users on Tumblr argue that the posting of these conversations online is a violation. One anonymous user accused the moderator of Tinder’s Finest Bachelors of “shaming men for expressing themselves sexually.” Meanwhile, the cries of “not all men” rise once again.
The Truth is…It IS All Men
Women do not think all men harass them. Women know that there are many men in this world that do not harass and respect them. However, no matter the time, when you’re walking down the street alone, it is all men. Every man who approaches you could harass, mug, rape and even murder you. On Tinder, each message, even if it begins flirty and fun, can dissolve into requests for pictures, unexpected genital photos, requests for sex and even threats. The reality of sexual harassment is even worse for women of color and LGBTQ+ people. Through reported on a smaller scale, sexual harassment for men is also an issue.
Unfortunately, stopping sexual harassment for these groups can be extremely hard. A mother of three in Detroit was recently murdered for rejecting the advances of a man harassing her. Meanwhile, a woman in Queens, New York was attacked after rejecting the advances of a man pursuing her. Thus, the responsibility for stopping street harassment lies on the shoulders of the group that largely perpetuates this violence: men.
How YOU can stop sexual harassment
All genders can help end sexual harassment, but the truth of the matter is, straight white men, who are the most advantaged of these groups, may be able to do so most effectively. And here’s how:
1. Don’t be the root of the problem.
You may entirely mean to flatter a girl (or guy!) you see. You may want to tell them they looks nice. However, if you don’t know them, don’t. They do not know you. They do not know your intentions. And they will be afraid of you.
2. Stand up against sexual harassment you see.
This goes for every single person. Do not let sexual harassment go without consequence. This why those blogs are so crucial. Expose the truth behind harassment—these blogs do it in a witty and fun way. Stand up against instances that you see, but do be careful as well. Again, this is why the most privileged group may have the most effect in stopping the harassment.
3. Stop with the “not all men” thing.
Seriously, we know. Everyone knows. You’re not helping anyone. In fact, you’re just continuing to perpetuate the problem. You’re basically insisting that because YOU do not take part, you don’t need to do anything about it. And the problem goes on.
Do all of the above and repeat. Following these steps will help to ensure that women feel safer whether it is on the street or online. So ditch the “it wasn’t me” attitude, the bystander effect and make sure that you are not the cause of the problem. Only with all of us working together can we successfully combat sexual harassment. Otherwise, it will inevitably continue.
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