Guy-necologist, The Ladies’ Doctor: Hooked on a Hook-up

 

Dear Red,

 

Before I answer the questions that you asked, I’d like to make a point about this type of situation. When a possible romantic interest is in your group of friends and you all happen to be living in close proximity, like on the same floor, you need to prioritize before acting. This situation has some positive upside potential, but more significant downside potential which is really important to recognize before making any drastic moves. The upside potential is that you both start a fun “official” relationship (maybe even Facebook official, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself). Downside potential is that you could ruin a perfectly fine friends-with-benefits deal, have a sub-par relationship, or potentially mess up a good group dynamic and fracture your dorm floor’s camaraderie. Prioritize and identify what you value more, your relationship with the guy who is the subject of these questions, or your present friendships with the other floormates. You know the situation better than I do, and your actions are your choice, as well as the consequences. It is important to consider all outcomes, or so the Doc thinks so.

 

Enough with the fatherly lecturing, let’s get down to the main piece of business: your questions.

 

Regarding where he stands, your description makes it sound like he pretty clearly stated his feelings for you. Whether he was drunk or sober, when he confessed his feelings for you, he made the confession. He might have needed a bit of liquid courage to get these feelings off his chest, but now that he did, it is your responsibility to bring up the conversation again (and preferably sober this time). Despite our bold bodies, sharp jaw lines, and chest hair, guys still blush. What I’m trying to say is that expressing our true feelings for somebody can still be a daunting task—yes, even for guys.

 

Get him alone and have the discussion. If he hasn’t brought up the topic of starting a relationship with you since that drunken hookup night, it might be because he is embarrassed that he opened up to you. Telling somebody that you have feelings for them can be difficult, because you drop your guard to do so and this leaves you vulnerable. He is possibly now waiting for your reply. With regards to true feelings: he showed you his, now show him yours. He might be just as confused as you are, so help him clear it up.

 

The only other reason why he might have said what he did, when he did, was because he was drunk and was trying to hook up with you. This might sound like a dark interpretation of the events that took place. But let’s be real, he was trying to get with you, and indicating anything less than liking you, probably would have hurt his chances. When was the last time you hooked up with somebody after they told you that they thought you were a bit dull, ranked a 5.4 out of ten on their hotness scale, or that your jokes really weren’t all that funny? Probably never.

 

Now to answer your question about why he told his friends about your last hookup. Guys are going to run their mouths to their friends, no matter what. We boys (I reserve the term “men” for people like The 20 Manliest Men Ever, plus Sean Connery), are simple beasts. We love feeling confident and many times are able to build up that confidence by telling our friends more than is appropriate. We confide in our fellow duderinos, and they confide in us; it’s all part of healthy bromantic relationship. The best situation is if the friends don’t talk, that way the stories will just stay in a small circle and not spread. You might think that this is bad, but be honest, don’t you tell your best friends nearly everything? (Thought so.)

 

Doc signing off.