My name is Jessica Phillips, and I’m a Public Relations and Psychology double major. I’m a Boston native, a Her Campus American writer, and a lover of all things chocolate. I also have generalized anxiety disorder.
Anxiety is something that I’ve always dealt with, but before college, I was able to ignore it or self-treat. Taking deep breaths or a hot shower was always enough to calm me down and relax me. During high school, I even liked that my anxiety kept me focused and on top of my college applications. I knew the anxiety was there, but I really thought I was managing it well and didn’t need any sort of help.
When I got to college, like so many others, my anxiety intensified. It was incredibly overwhelming for me to be constantly be surrounded by my peers and I felt dumb compared to everyone else in my classes, especially for my major. After a month of crying and struggling to pull myself together, I finally reached a point where I thought I was able to manage my anxiety. I continued on for the rest of the year, met amazing people, succeeded in classes, and came to love AU. I figured that I was fine, and that the month of paralyzing anxiety was just a one-time thing that I could ignore.
This past summer, I finally realized how much my anxiety was hindering me. Being home after two full semesters at school felt overwhelming, and I was thrown off by feeling uncomfortable in my own house. I talked with my parents, and decided I needed to seek out treatment once I was back in D.C. because I spend most of my year here.
At the beginning of this semester, I went to the Counseling Center on campus to discuss my symptoms and concerns with one of the clinicians. We decided that for me, the best option was to meet with a psychiatric health practitioner and a therapist to work toward lowering and controlling my anxiety.
The psychiatric health practitioner that I met with and continue to see prescribed me a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor, or an SSRI. SSRIs are considered an antidepressant, but can also be used in cases of anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. The way these drugs work is by, as the name implies, stopping the reuptake process for the neurotransmitter serotonin, which controls functions like mood, sleep and appetite. Though there are some minor side effects, SSRIs are believed to be safer and less disruptive than other types of antidepressants.
Because SSRIs take a while to build up in the system, the first few weeks I was taking mine didn’t seem to feel any different. I began to convince myself that I wouldn’t even feel the results, because I felt like my anxiety wasn’t as severe as other people’s. But once I was four weeks into the medication, I started to notice little things. I was leaving my bed not perfectly made in the mornings and not minding as much. I could walk into a meeting where I didn’t know anyone without having to give myself a pep talk.
In addition to starting medication, I also began seeing a therapist on a biweekly basis, and have since cut down to meeting once a month. Personally, meetings with my therapist hasn’t had as much of an effect on my anxiety as my medication has, but I’ve still found it really helpful. Having someone to talk with about my struggles and difficulties who is also trained to understand my unique difficulties is a relief, and gives me a place to release some of my stress and worries.
With my anxiety now manageable and probably as controlled as it will ever be, I can now focus my time and energy into more exciting things. This semester, I’ve become more involved in my friendships and extracurriculars. I’ve joined Phi Sigma Pi, the honors fraternity, and joined Her Campus American’s executive board and gotten so much out of joining these. Without the constant pressure of my anxiety, I’ve been able to open up to people more, become more involved and try different things. My relationships, both new and old, feel more meaningful and rewarding.
One of the biggest critiques I’ve heard of mental health treatment, particularly psychopharmacology, is that people don’t feel like themselves after beginning treatment. For me, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Treating my anxiety has allowed me to learn more about who I really am. If anything, I’ve felt more like the person I always wanted to be when my anxiety used to restrain me.
When it comes to mental health treatment, I realize I am in an incredibly privileged situation. I have health insurance that helps to cover my medicine and my appointments with my therapist and prescriber. I go to school in an area that has almost limitless options for mental health treatment. I can afford my copays, and have parents that are capable of helping me financially. My parents themselves are my biggest privilege: coming from a family that recognizes mental health issues as legitimate and treatable has allowed me to seek treatment in the first place. Their support has also encouraged me to continue treatment and not let me anxiety define or defeat me.
I’d also like to acknowledge that treating my anxiety or any mental illness does not mean curing it. I still have days where I need to talk myself out of an anxious mindset, or when a situation is too overwhelming for me. Treating my anxiety means I’m working to eliminate it as much as I possibly can. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better than suffering in silence and trying to wish the anxiety away.
Medication and therapy are just two of the options available to those dealing with anxiety and other mental illnesses. While these are the two that work best for me, it is important to know that different treatment options work well for different people. No one treatment is better than another.
Finally, if you are dealing with mental illness, do not be afraid to talk about it. There is such a stigma surrounding mental illness and those who choose to seek treatment, and the only way to break this stigma is to make mental health a normal conversation topic. I know people squirm when I mention that I see a therapist or take medication for anxiety, but it allows mental illness to become a casual topic. Start the conversation, and you might be surprised at how common mental health issues really are.
If you are currently suffering from anxiety or any other mental illness, please reach out for help. I understand the appeal of “handling things on your own” or having “manageable” anxiety, but there’s no need to suffer. Even if you try a treatment option and decide it’s not best for you, at least give it a shot and see what happens. You might be surprised by what treatment can change and improve.