There has been a lot more attention on a positive self relationship in the last few years, which is amazing. Dove’s Real Beauty campaign drew attention to the flawed ways that we and the media see beauty. People are talking, and even though the talk sometimes turns to insecurities, physical and otherwise, there is more support and encouragement for self-love. This encouragement sometimes comes in a worrying form, though— the consolations that it’s okay because “guys like that”. It’s no surprise that people say this because it really does give a bit of an ego boost. It somehow connects having a certain trait— and one that we don’t particularly like— to the idea of being desirable and accepted.
Why shouldn’t we say this if it makes our friends feel good? Here’s why: when our self-worth is dependent on how other people see us, we can only feel validated when we feel that people find us attractive. But the whole reason it’s called self-worth is that it’s personal. It’s all well and good if Meghan Trainor instills some booty appreciation when she says that “boys like a little more booty to hold at night”, but as soon as a particular quality or body part isn’t what a potential love interest wants, it suddenly loses its value, and we lose our confidence.
My school newspaper once had an article about girls’ trends that guys love and hate. On the “love” side were leggings, pencil skirts, and flare jeans with Uggs (for whatever reason), while the “hate” side consisted of maxiskirts and plaid.
Eighth grade me decided that this was clearly the voice of reason (I would later find out that the “survey” the article was based on involved the author asking his friend to name his favorite and least favorite women’s clothes). I also reached the conclusion that following the advice was the surest way to get a boyfriend, so I buried the plaid and maxiskirts deep in my closet and donned a pair of leggings. As silly as it sounds, it’s not that different from Selena Gomez singing about wearing “that dress you like, skin tight” so she can look “Good For You”. This thought process affects more than just middle school girls; it has permeated our culture.
Women, and for that matter, people, should wear whatever they want, whether it’s plaid, a maxiskirt, or even a plaid maxiskirt for bonus points. As up-and-coming Australian singer, Amy Shark puts it, “why would I buy a new dress, just to impress?” Clothing can definitely make a statement, so if Ugg boots under flare jeans are your thing, go for it. And even though a lot of talk about self-love focuses on appearance, there are so many other, and quite frankly, more important things to love. . . Adopting this view means that whether or not anyone outwardly expresses appreciation for me, I will be able to walk with the inner knowledge that I’m incredible because someone very important validates this opinion— and that person is me.