Sure, Valentine’s Day is around the corner, but who really cares about the shades of red and pink when we can have all 50 shades…of Grey. Arguably the most popular (and erotic) novel that we have seen, the official red, white, and blue colors of America might have to make room for fifty new friends as this novel has sold over 100 million copies to date. While this book may be a little out of one’s comfort zone, it does peak some curiosity as to why it is so popular.
While friends are planning to preorder tickets so they can be first in line to support the multi-millionaire profiting of this triology, I’m just sitting back still on my Netflix binge wondering how a movie about a dominatrix and submissive can be anything less than a publically accepted porn movie… not to mention how weird it would be to watch sex scene after sex scene in a theater of people. If that’s what the most popular relationship in America is, then I’m no longer surprised to find myself running from every potential relationship I could have been in. So, instead of spending the money on a movie ticket when it could easily be exchanged for a cookout tray, I’ll just take this time to reflect on why relationships are usually better avoided than to try to function in.
1. Relationships involve feelings, which I don’t have.
2. Netflix can be your forever boyfriend.
3. Hanging out with boys takes effort.
4. It takes more effort to put on makeup if you like the boy.
5. You generally have to also put on pants and a bra to hang out with boys.
6. Too much effort.
7. The one chance you had at a relationship you ruined because no one can understand the language of relationships, causing you to avoid them ever since.
8. It’s easier to hit “next episode” on Netflix than to text a boy a cute text message.
9. Boys on Tinder are usually creepy, if they even are a real person.
10.You spend the night at a boy’s house, but he doesn’t return your texts the next day so you tell all your friends to mutually hate him.
11. Netflix will never hog the sheets at night.
12. Netflix will never cheat on me.
13. Your awkwardness seeps out of you like sap from a tree, causing all boys to avoid you before you even say a word.
14. The boy you actually love is in a serious relationship with another girl (she sucks) so you avoid all other male human interaction.
15. Hanging out and drinking wine with your girlfriends is way better than hanging out with a boy and making yourself pretend to sound interesting to him.
16. You would have to hang out all the time with a boy if you were in a relationship, when you could sleep instead.
17. The supposed boyfriend might ask for your Netflix information, and you’re just not that committed to him to let him change your “suggested” ‘flix.
18. You prefer to snuggle with your body pillow, because it won’t suffocate you in your sleep with a too tight arm grip.
19. You’d rather have your phone background be Dylan O’Brein. Or Dave Franco. Or Ian Somerhalder. Or your Dog.
20. You have to shave if you’re going to hang out with a boy. Come. On. It’s a hassle. Netflix wouldn’t make you shave.
21. Three words… Meeting. The. Parents. No thanks. This involves more feelings.
22. Netflix lets you pause it to answer a phone call from your BFF and picks up right where you left off… a boyfriend will probably pitch a fit about your BFF needing a pep talk.
23. You can accept drinks from boys at the bar, free of guilt and free of charge!
24. When Mother Nature drops off her monthly gift, you don’t have to have an awkward talk to explain it, nor care that you’re wearing horrendous granny panties you still have from high school.
25. You can take advantage of BOGO sales without thinking, “should I get him a surprise?”
26. You’ll never have to hear your girlfriends wonder where you’ve been… they’re watching Netflix with you, recovering from last night’s single girls debauchery.
27. You don’t have to pretend to like your boyfriends’ roommates, friends, etc. This also involves feelings…. which are hard to have.
28. You don’t have to try to be nice to his “best friend that is a girl”.
29. You can have as much “me time” as you need without someone questioning why you just don’t want to interact with humans that day.
30. You get to control the radio in the car.
31. You love belting out T. Swift songs, don’t deny it. Boyfriend may not like it so much though. Sing when and where your heart desires.
32. Your out of town bestie suggests you visit this weekend. It’s Friday afternoon. Pack your bags. There’s no one you have to answer to.
33. You want to color or cut your hair? Go for it. There’s no boyfriend telling you he hates brunettes, short hair, or bangs. Not that you have to listen to him anyways, it’s your hair!
34. You want a quiet night of reading a new book you picked up, but a boyfriend will be trying to distract you with a *tickle war* and making out. Please stop now. No physical contact please.
35. Shameless dancing with as many guys as you want at a party. DFM? Go for it.
36. No one is constantly asking you where Mr. Boyfriend is. Am I not good enough on my own?
37. There are no boyfriends’ friends keeping tabs on you when he isn’t around. Jeez, trust much?
38. There’s no being nice to/ taking care of his annoying little brother when he visits college for the first time.
39. No one is rushing you to get ready. Being ***Flawless*** takes a little extra time.
40. You won’t be begged to do his laundry for him. Do I look like a housemaid?
41. I don’t have feelings.
42. There’s no “return the favor” or “baby please” guilt trip to go on if you just don’t want to.
43. You never know who you’re going to meet going out Friday night…now you can have whatever kind of weekend fling you want.
44. You can indulge in whatever new hobby or interest you have. You want to knit or cross-stitch the night away? Go for it, girl.
45. You never have to feel like you’re settling because you feel pressured by everyone else being in a relationship.
46. There is no sharing of fries when going out to eat. All yours. All the time.
47. We won’t even get into being woken up by a boyfriend snoring. You need beauty sleep.
48. You’re free to dream about going to a different state for grad school or work, without wondering where that leaves your relationship.
49. There is nothing better than laughing with your girlfriends over whom you made out with last night or where you picked your friend up from this morning.
50. Last, but not least… you get to discover who you are as a person on your own, without judgment or input or needing to please a partner. Because you matter.
Images:
https://www.hercampus.com/school/vcu/7-perks-being-single-college-girl
http://www.mtv.com/news/2072084/single-valentines-day-excited/