Seniors graduating in the fall are beginning to approach the point of the semester where we have a few weeks left. At this point, a feeling of panic always builds up inside me when I think about it. But this semester is different. it’s my final semester at Appalachian State University. I am graduating. It’s an exciting time, but also overwhelming. I start thinking about everything I haven’t done and what I want to do. I’ve already ordered my cap and gown. I begin to feel like I am running out of time, and I start comparing myself to others. Along with these feelings are my anxiety and worry about keeping up with classes, projects, work, and my free time.
I started to think about plans and what I am going to do after graduation. I don’t have a full-time job or a “big girl” job lined up after graduation compared to my peers, who already had internships and full-time jobs ready after graduation. However, I feel like I don’t have a potential job lined up because I don’t know what I want to do career-wise after college. I get the feeling of imposter syndrome and that I haven’t done enough. Imposter syndrome is the feeling of self-doubt about your skills or accomplishments. I get this feeling especially when I look at job descriptions and requirements.
If you know me, you know I overthink everything. The main reason why I am afraid to graduate is because I am afraid of change. I like my routine and the schedule that school provides. Graduating means not having the structure school provided for the past 20 years. I will be done with my education career unless I go to graduate school. There will be no more “summer break,” “fall break,” or “Christmas break” to look forward to.
Since I am not moving back to my hometown after graduation as some college graduates do, the thought of moving out of my college apartment to find new housing with my boyfriend seems quite stressful. This is because the housing market in Boone, North Carolina is limited. Although stressful, this is something that I look forward to because it’s an exciting new step in our relationship. I look forward to decorating the new space with him and experiencing life together.
To keep me from spiraling, I remind myself to take one day at a time and be patient with myself. I allow myself to take mental health days here and there to cope with the stress. I am proud of my accomplishments and how far I’ve come in my college career. I will be able to say I am an Appalachian State University alumni!