Dear Mr. Right,
I’ve had some guy trouble lately: I’m talking to two guys, my ex and a new guy. I know, I’m horrible.
When I got my friends’ advice on what I should do, they said the clichés, “Your ex is an ex for a reason” and “You know when you know.”
Here’s the thing, I don’t know. I’ve never known. It took me a whole weekend to say “yes” to my ex when he asked me out. Then, I couldn’t even say anything to this other guy when he asked me out because I was thinking how much I would give up everything I have wanted and tried for since my heart first broke.
I started thinking, what if you asked me out? Would I still be worried about my ex?
I remembered that it would be a whole new situation if you, the one whom I just knew I’d end up with, asked me out.
I might not think about my ex. Or, I might. You might be one of the best of all the guys I have kissed. Or, you might not. You might get me so upset sometimes. Or, you might not. It might be good. There might be low days, sure. There wouldn’t be big blow-ups. Or, maybe there would be. There wouldn’t be that much arguing. Or, there might be. I don’t know.
You wouldn’t make me cringe, though. You wouldn’t make me feel awkward, I bet. I wouldn’t be selfish. I wouldn’t be worried about your age. I wouldn’t be worried about your parent’s and/or sibling’s approval, and you mine. My dad and brother would like you. Conversation would carry, but you’d also be comfortable with silence. We’d like the same music – Well, maybe not the same exactly. We’d both like some of the same songs. We’d belt them out in the car somehow and dance like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe it would be off-key. Or maybe not. (It would be for me.) We’d be different. We’d lead separate lives. I wouldn’t think of things that you could do better. I wouldn’t put you down or make you feel small, and you wouldn’t do that to me. I’d help you and encourage you, and you’d do the same for me. You’d fight for me, for the relationship, as I would, too. I wouldn’t not be able to answer you if you asked me out. I’d just say yes.
Honestly? None of that would even matter to me. We’d just be okay with each other, and everything would be okay.
Maybe they’re right. Maybe I would just know. Maybe a little part of me would know this is it, this is the person, the guy
Maybe someday it’ll happen. Maybe I’ve already met you. But, I don’t know that for sure. I don’t even know what any of this knowing truly feels like. I’ve been told that it feels like “coming home…The home you’ve always wanted to have.” Maybe I have felt a little of it before, but I still don’t know, not for sure.
I don’t even know if I believe in you, though. I mean, of course I would believe in you to do great things, but as Mr. Right, I don’t know if I believe you exist. I believe you could be anyone, everyone. I believe any guy can be the right guy if they stick around for long enough. I don’t know.
Right now, I just wish I knew. I don’t want guy trouble. I don’t want to question what I should do. I just want to know. Y’know?
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