I think it’s safe to say that we, as girls, have all used to the phrases “He’s just shy” or “Guys like it when girls make the first move” to reassure ourselves that it’s ok for us to pursue a guy that doesn’t seem to be pursuing us back. So here’s the hard truth, 9 times out of 10, the only thing he’s shy about is telling you he’s not interested. Boys will try anything to let a girl know he’s not interested, except telling her he’s not interested. This isn’t because boys are mean or get some sort of kick out of leading a girl on, they really just want to avoid confrontation and don’t want to hurt your feelings. Still telling yourself he’s just shy? Think about a time a nice boy you weren’t all that interested in was asking you out. Did you ever tell him flat out that you weren’t interested in him? Or did you make up excuses as to why you couldn’t go out that night? I’m going to guess it was the latter. People, in general, don’t like to be mean to each other, on a personal, individual to individual basis at least. So instead of telling yourself that he’s just shy or boys like it when girls make the first move, try telling yourself that if he’s interested, he’ll show you. And if he doesn’t, don’t sweat it and move on. Here’s how I know this works: When I was still in the dating phase with my boyfriend, before we were in a relationship, I was also casually dating another guy. Well not so much dating as getting politely rejected. At first this other guy seemed like he was into it, telling me to text him and that kind of stuff. But whenever I did he couldn’t respond because he was in class or at work or doing homework or [insert any generic excuse here]. All the while this boy is rejecting me, my future boyfriend is inviting me to lunch or ice cream or to watch a movie or just stopping by my room to see what I’m up to. And then it hit me, if this other guy was really into me he would be coming after me, not sitting around waiting for me to come after him. As soon as I realized that, I stopped wasting my time with people who weren’t interested and put that effort into someone who really wanted it and appreciated it. So ladies, don’t put your precious time and energy into someone who isn’t reciprocating. Try giving it to someone whose asking for it, even if you’re not super into him. You might be pleasantly surprised. And if there isn’t anyone knocking on you door or sending you texts, then give that time to yourself. You deserve it.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Arizona chapter.