A Rant on Jelly Purses

Dear U of A,
 
Ever felt the need to bring your purse into the pool with you? Wished you could just throw it in the dishwasher for a quick clean? How about wanting the ability to see what is in your purse without actually having to open it?
Well then a Jelly Bag is the bag for you! They come in an array of colors from transparent neon orange to transparent electric purple.  A sure fit with any outfit.  Is it comfortable?  What isn’t comfortable about thick plastic straps rubbing against your skin all day? Your blood filled blisters will match perfectly with your new limited edition bright red jelly bag!

Uh oh. Spilled some tomato sauce on your new plastic jelly tote? No worries, the bag comes with a complimentary bottle of Windex.  Just spritz and wipe.
What a convenient and stylish bag.  I really have noooo idea why they went out of style in THE LATE NINETIES. 
So you really couldn’t imagine my surprise when I saw a girl walking around campus sporting one of these babies.  I was…uh….well, I don’t really know how to put into words how I felt. 
No harm in trying, I guess.
………well…..
Flabbergasted,
Staggered,
Horrified,
Terrorized,
Scandalized,
Revolted,
Aghast,
Astounded,
Confounded,
Mystified,
Bamboozled?
Did I paint a picture for you? I hope so, I sure wouldn’t want anyone to give anyone the wrong idea.
 
Oy Vey, what you guys put me through sometimes.
 
Love,
Haylie Gabs