We all know the University of Arizona is known for it’s abundance of parties. Most would even say that each student has partying in their blood. However, one is not born with these types of skills, they are learned. After many years of trial and error, the U of A has proven that they know exactly how to throw a good party. Being a student at Arizona, I have come to the conclusion that a good party is a very simple cocktail of the most minor necessities.
#1: IT IS ESSENTIAL TO HAVE AN ALMOST EQUAL AMOUNT OF OPPOSITE SEXES.
The one exception to this rule is a good frat party. This of course is because everyone knows that the best frats have 20 girls to 1 guy. But let’s be honest, no one actually enjoys this but the boys. Also, NEWS FLASH BOYS when there’s too many girls we ALWAYS leave. Yes, when you are there you can always find girlfriends you know, but no one actually wants to have a girl’s night when you go out to party. In comparison, there is nothing more awkward then showing up to a party that has 65 boys and 10 girls. Come on people… no one ever has actually enjoyed a sausage fest!
#2: PARTY FRIENDS.
This may be one of the most important party essentials. You must find/have good party friends. By this I don’t mean super awesome rager friends that always want to go shot for shot and dance all night and always go home with a different boy or girl. Obviously, all of that can be important and I am certain that you know some people like that. But what I mean by this is someone that is a good person and will have your back when shit hits the fan. We have all had those nights that we just can’t remember… but the most crucial thing about those nights is waking up next to the friend who saved your life, that I promise you will NEVER forget.
#3: BOMB ASS CHASERS.
Sip, Pull, Sip, Repeat.
If you know, you know.
#4: DANCE FLOOR.
Here at the University of Arizona, its not a party if you’re not dancing. This is a difficult one for the party throwers of this world. For example, it can’t be too big because then it makes dancing just so awkward for all parties involved… kinda like prom. Oh no and none of us want to go back to prom, do we? In contrast, it can’t be too small either because then you start to smell the girl’s flowery scented deodorant mix with their actual BO and honestly I think we can all agree that the awful scent is potent enough to kill a small village.
#5: JORDAN BELFORT aka DJ.
The DJ is SO important. A DJ can make or break your party. How can one dance if all the songs you play are un-danceable? There has to be that perfect mix of all the genres. Now I am no DJ, but I do know that the louder the music is always the better. There’s not much else to say here except for the fact that if your DJ sucks… then so does your party.
#6: NICE NEIGHBORS.
Without nice neighbors, your party is guaranteed a failure. Obviously, this is not an issue all the time, especially if you are on Greek row. However, we all know from high school that mean neighbors are the biggest buzz kill. It is essential you get on their good side. Possibly even give them your number to call if they have any issues with the party. If for any reason you’re uncertain of how your neighbors will react to your party… bake them some special brownies and I promise they will enjoy the loud music just as much as you do.
#7: WATER.
Some of you might be looking at this essential like “What’s water? Vodka is clear. That’s close enough right?” but just hear me out. Everyone has woken up the morning after with that awful dry mouth. I’m actually certain that they call it Thirsty Thursday because it leaves you so damn thirsty in the morning. I’m not saying water makes the party… but I am saying water makes the morning after party a hell of a lot better.
#8: SAFE RIDE HOME.
This by far is the most crucial party essential. Getting home safe isn’t always as easy as it seems… trust me, I know. But I promise that there is no better feeling than climbing into your bed or I guess whatever bed you’re sleeping in that night, knowing that you are safe. Ubers and Lyfts exist for a reason. Use them. Please remember that you still HAVE to be smart about theM. ALWAYS ask who they are there for BEFORE you get into the car. And if they seem creepy, then GET OUT OF THE CAR and call “anotha one”.