Edited by: Mohan Rajagopal
*Plays Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s, 2:02 to 2:19*
A thousand miles seems pretty far,
But they’ve got planes and trains and cars,
I’d walk to you if I had no other way.
Our friends would all make fun of us,
And we’ll just laugh along because we know,
That none of them have felt this way.
A. The Last Goodbye
I had a pit in my stomach, realising that after 10,51,200 minutes of being together, I was counting down from 120.
A cobalt blue dream catcher with fairy lights for all days blue, a scented candle of a fragrance as fresh and alluring as his, a 50cm x 80cm pillow that read ‘hug this until you can hug me’, a chestnut brown diary with his words unsaid and thoughts unthought (serving as a reminder of our love being ‘one for the books’), a bright yellow illusion lamp with our photograph, & finally, a hug that cracked my back.
Before I knew it, I was on my way to university—my heart in my mouth—for all things awaiting and for all that I left behind.
On the dreadfully long drive from my cosy Gurugram condo to the red brick campus, I struggled to grapple with the knots in my stomach. While the idea of college was enthralling & nerve-wracking all at once, something about not having my person by my side felt wrong. So I sat in the passenger’s seat, immersing myself in nostalgia by listening to our song, one that he wrote for and about me – Inaayat – an Urdu word translating to ‘blessing’.
I fought my tears by drenching myself in happy memories. I took myself back to our Sunday afternoon rendezvous ritual: the aroma of his favourite chicken shawarmas and the sound of his light chuckle (which he actively tried to suppress), followed by him rolling his eyes at my poor navigation skills, flooding my ears.
Call it a simple coincidence or a twist of fate, but his name faded onto my phone’s screen, interrupting my reminiscence. Beaming from ear to ear, I replied to his routine “Hi, my love!” As time and distance increased, the knot in my stomach got tighter. If being on the other side of the phone and feeling this distance was so painful, how would we survive when he’d be on the other side of the world?
After two whole minutes of contemplating, I fessed up to my anguish. As always, he listened as I poured my heart out to him. 15 minutes of me venting and 60 seconds of a comfortable silence later, he calmly and faithfully said, “But, my love—the tightness of the knot in your stomach is nothing but a representation of the tightness of our love and friendship. We’re going to make it.”
And before I knew it, we took the last left turn towards my campus. And there I was, standing outside the freshly wiped glass doors of RH4.
We’re going to make it.
B. A Verse For Every Time Things Get Worse
Arguments, communication gaps and misunderstandings are inevitable. However, the one thing that not only serves as my solace but also as something that binds us together in times when the connection is missing is music.
Unlike popular opinion, listening to “heart-break” music when I’m already feeling low is my way of giving myself the permission to feel, experience and identify with my emotions and thoughts.
Here are some of the lyrics that I turn to for comfort, reassurance and reasons to hold on.
- Get You The Moon – Kina
“You gave me a shoulder when I needed it,
You showed me love when I wasn’t feeling it.
You helped me fight when I was giving in,
And you made me laugh when I was losing it.”
2. I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz
“I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily,
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make.”
3. I’ll Wait – Sasha Sloan
“I’ll wait forever, that’s what we said,
16th of September, lyin’ in my bed.
I’ll wait forever, it’s never too late,
Couple thousand miles is just a little space.”
4. You make it easy – Jason Aldean
“You’re my sunshine in the darkest days,
My better half, my savin’ grace.
You make me who I wanna be.
You make it easy.”