Dear my room
Hi, where are you? I miss you. I miss us.
I came home last week for mid term break, hoping that the moment I stepped inside, everything would feel right again – just like the good ol’ times. I thought you’d be there, waiting to wrap me in the same comfort like you always did, like nothing had ever changed. I was counting on you to make me feel like me again. Remember the version of me who was always smiling, glowing with excitement and joy? The girl who felt light and carefree in your walls? I came back hoping to find her, to reconnect with her. I thought maybe, just maybe, being with you would help me feel that happiness again.
But when I opened that door, something was off. I looked around, and it just wasn’t the same. My textbooks weren’t on the desk, my trophies weren’t in their usual spots – it wasn’t our room anymore. I felt like an outsider in my own space. It was overwhelming.
I sat on the bed, waiting for that familiar sense of comfort to wash over me, but it didn’t. Instead, I just felt… empty. Like I didn’t belong here anymore, and that realization hit me harder than I could’ve expected. I had hoped that you’d make everything perfect again, but you were nowhere to be found. Yes, there were four walls, the clock, my favorite curtains, and even my bed… but something was missing – you.
I thought you’d be the one constant, the place I could return to no matter what. I wanted to sit with you and tell you all about my university life, to fill your walls with stories of the new me, to cover you with pictures of all the moments I’ve had with no you to witness. I imagined staying up late, rehearsing monologues to myself in the middle of the night like I used to, pretending I was on some grand stage. I wanted to perform those silly concerts again:sing at the top of my lungs like no one was listening except you. I wanted to sob in the comfort of your arms.
But it wasn’t just you; when I stepped off the train, even the town felt…different. Actually, even before I stepped onto the train, there was this sense of unease, this weird anxiety that took over me. I was dreading the journey, and rightfully so. It’s already difficult to be in an unfamiliar space, but being in an unfamiliar place that should be familiar? That feels a lot worse.
Everything looked the same but felt completely foreign. The streets I used to walk every day, the shops I knew by heart, they all felt distant, like I was walking through a memory that no longer belonged to me. The faces I passed by were the same, but somehow different, detached. Even the air felt heavier, like it didn’t want me there.
I never thought I’d feel out of place in the town I grew up in, but here I am, a stranger in a place that’s supposed to be home.
But now, it feels like you’ve moved on, like we’ve both outgrown each other in ways I wasn’t ready for. I miss the way we used to be, when you were my safe space, my escape. It’s a strange, lonely feeling – like losing a friend you didn’t know you had to say goodbye to.
I guess what I’m really afraid of is that I don’t know where I belong anymore. If I don’t fit here with you, then where do I fit? I spent so many years finding myself within these walls, building my dreams and finding comfort here with you. But now that I can’t locate you anymore, I’m left wondering if I’ll ever find a place that feels like home again. It’s like I’m stuck between who I was and who I’m becoming, and I don’t know how to manage this transition. I don’t know if I’m ready to. Correction: , I’m definitely not ready to.
But maybe that’s what growing up is. You learn to let go of places, moments, and even parts of yourself that you never thought you’d outgrow. Your comfort, your choices, your dreams… everything changes, even when you wish they wouldn’t, and maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay to grieve that loss, to miss it for a little while, before you find your way again. Maybe the version of me who belonged here still exists, just in a different way. But for now, I just want you to know – I miss you. And I think I’ll keep missing you, even if I find my next destination.
With love,
Me