A Midnight viewing of antihero

Edited By – Shivani Panigrahy

Taylor drops her 10th album and the world shakes with trepidation. You wait till midnight to christen Midnight fittingly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1kbLwvqugk

The camera zooms in on Taylor, effortlessly gorgeous in a 70’s-inspired autumnal palette.  Wide-legged trousers paired with a preppy auburn sweater constitute her first look.

This Taylor we know.

This Taylor we understand.

This is ‘cozy, curl up with your cats and a candle’ Taylor.

Sweetie pie Taylor smiles sad and sardonic as she breaks into song-

“I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser” 

Our hearts break. What is Taylor talking about? She’s awesome! Why is she so mean to herself? Rationality begins its slow burst from the seams as Taylor cuts into a glittery bleeding fried egg.

Ha?

This is like Euphoria.

On crack.

Wait, Euphoria is already on crack.

This is like Euphoria in a fever dream.

You scream as Taylor screams, she runs around her pretty autumnal cottage with her hands shielding her ears as banket ghosts chase her. What happened to Fearless Taylor? You think, what happened to the Taylor who can’t come to the phone anymore? 

Taylor darts skittishly through wallpapered hallways only to come to a jerky halt before her door. She swings it open to reveal-

Herself? 

You pause, shake your head, and press play again. 

Taylor number two, Bold Taylor, walks in triumphant. Glamorous and sparkly, this Taylor harks back to her 1989 era as she waltzes in, confident and cool, unlike our pretty, unsure auburn one. This new Taylor is clad in pinstripes and sparkly high-waisted spandex underwear- very ‘superwoman forgot to wear the rest of her costume’. 

You suppose it is only fitting for the unconventional hero- Taylor Swift’s internal anti-hero.

You are transfixed now- Sweet Taylor and Bold Taylor throw back another shot, high-five one another, and grin. 

Hey! Maybe this video is fun after all! You think to yourself. 

You’re doubly horrified as sweet Taylor jots down the words “Everyone will betray you” from Bold Taylor’s blackboard. A sharp intake of air as you wonder how your favorite singer got so jaded.  All of a sudden you hurtle into an Alice in Wonderland-esque dream terrain where we are introduced to Giant Taylor who crawls on all fours, singing about sexy babies and thunderous monsters.

You balk! The immortal Taylor, in all her talented perfection, reduced or elevated(?) to monstrous proportions! It seems unheard of crazy almost, to think that someone so beautiful, so glamorous, awe-inspiring, and talented could be full of so many of the same insecurities that keep you up at night. Gigantic Taylor bleeds more purple glitter as she takes an arrow to the heart, and your heart breaks as you picture her feeling so hyperbolically out of place and awkward at a social gathering.  Scared of her own personality, afraid to take up too much space, secretly wishing she could shrink to smaller proportions, and be more like the people around her. 

Taylor’s insecurities seem to clap back at the classmate notebook quote-

“Why blend in when you were born to stand out?”

“Why stand out when you could just blend in and breathe easier?”, whispers giant Taylor through her hazy fever dream.

You aren’t sure what to say to this Taylor. Her vulnerability is loud and raw. It’s disconcerting. You applaud her courage yet squirm at the discomfort of watching her so bare

Your eyes adjust to this strange new reality only to be transported to a funeral (?!).

Taylor looks out at us from a coffin, nothing weird here. Her imaginary children mourn her loss in the same half-assed materialistic way one would expect the Kardashians to bid farewell to one of their own, and you feel a tinge of a giggle coming on. The strange humor of the scene slowly ebbs into the two little Taylors resignedly sharing a bottle of wine on the roof of sweet Taylor’s cute house. 

You want to dislike bold Taylor. You want to tell her to stop being mean to sweet Taylor, to be less scathing in her outlook, but as she sits near sweet Taylor you realize that sweet Taylor needs bold Taylor to protect her just as much as bold Taylor needs sweet Taylor to mellow her out. 

Taylor- tailor-tail-her, tale-her??

Your head’s spinning now, are you reading too much into this music video?

Taylor’s waking nightmare of a music video leaves your head a little spinny and your eyes a little watery. 

Giant Taylor joins them and they all smile knowingly at one another, at this point you just shrug your shoulders and snap the laptop shut. 

Midnight’s still going on. 

• mental health
• music
• pop culture